Several Haikus

Ode to Mike Mignola

(Creator of Hellboy)

Risen from dark flame

To battle the Nazi hoard

Hellboy rules all life

***

Internet Blues

Computer's harsh glow

Contemplating my future

Future glows harshly

***

Drivin' to Florida

Sweating my ass off

Freon makes the car run cool

Zues; send me FREON!

***

Lesson

Little towhead girl

Reaches towards the kitty cat

Slashing claws draw blood

***

Spam for Breakfast

Sliding from it's tin

I masticate my fake meat

Gelatinous ooze

***

Hell in a Hand Basket

Double U must fall

Else all we hold dear is lost

The earth dies screaming

***

Doomed

The end times are nigh

A moron usurps the throne

George Bush chaps my ass

***

Red State Blues

The world is not right

Up is down and black is white

Republicans bite

***

America the Shell-Shocked

Spineless donkeys watch

Elephants rape the eagle

Democracy fails

***

Regeneration

Mother Earth strikes back

Destroying the human plague

Roaches get their shot

***

Crash

Gray clouds fill the sky

Rain dapples the pavement black

Skidding towards a tree

***

These poems are copyrighted by John Michael Decker. Any publication or sale of this work without the authors express written permission is forbidden.
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"And I'd have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
John Michael Decker

The Bird

Long ago, on a mountain in Tibet, there was a tiny village. Within the village there was a humble cottage. In the cottage there dwelled a venerable old man. The aged man had lived in the cottage for as long as anyone in the village could remember. He rarely left the sanctuary of his home, but he received many visitors. It was reputed that the old man was the wisest person in Tibet, and for this reason many pilgrims sought his sage advice. It was said that the elderly man's counsel was both ingenious and fair and in the years that he resided in that cottage he solved many a conflict and answered many questions, both practical and metaphysical.

But as the old man's reputation grew, so did the number of people who sought him, not for advice, but for the chance to prove him wrong. To confound him with unsolvable intellectual riddles and conundrums and in doing so prove themselves his superior. And for as long as anyone could remember, the old man's logical and sagacious mind always won the day, solving any puzzles that were put before him and doing it in such a way that none could dispute his enlightened wisdom.

One day a prideful and clever youth entered the old man's cottage. Clutched between the young man's hands was a tiny object that none could see. The young one bowed before the ancient and he spoke these words, "I have in my hands a small bird. I put it to you, old man; is this bird dead or is it alive?"

Right away the old one saw the ingenious trap that the callow youth had set for him. If he responded that the bird was alive, the young man would crush it in his hands and the old one would be proven wrong. However, if he stated that the bird was dead, the youngling would open his hands releasing a bird that was very much alive, and again, the old man would be proven false.

The elderly man carefully considered his response and after a time he spoke, "The answer, my son, is in your hands."

This fable was originally conveyed to me by my friend Jerry McKinney at the Hebron Camp and Conference Center in the early 90s.

More Theoretical DC Comics Super Teams

So DC Comics used to have a team of World War II heroes called the Losers (first appearance G.I. COMBAT #138-1969) which consisted of Allied soldiers who had all suffered serious failures during their military careers. So I was thinking, what if you had to put together a modern team of DC super-heroes and call them the Losers? What horrible Morts would you pull out of the DC pantheon to create such a team? Here's what I came up with...

THE NEW LOSERS:

1) Irwin Schwab AKA Ambush Bug
First Appearence DC COMICS PRESENTS #52 (July 1983)
Besides teleportation, his main power was being super annoying.
2) G'Nort AKA Green Lantern
First Appearence JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL #10 (February 1988)
He got the Green Lantern gig because his uncle pulled some strings with the Guardians of the Universe.
3) Paco Romone AKA Vibe
First Appearance JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA (1st series) ANNUAL #2 (November 1984)
A super heroic break dancer. Nuff said.
4) Richard Raleigh AKA Red Bee
First Appearance HIT COMICS #1 (July 1940)
This dork trained bees to help him in his war on crime.
5) Tin the Metal Man
First Appearance SHOWCASE #37 (April 1967)
He's a robot made out of tin. Not very scary.
6) Rex the Wonder Dog
First Appearance THE ADVENTURES OF REX. THE WONDER DOG #1 (February 1952)
A dog who can speak to the other animals. He might be fun on Letterman.
7) Willie Walker AKA Black Racer
First Appearnce NEW GODS #3 (July 1971)
This aspect of death dresses like a combination between a medieval knight and an Olympic skier. Just weird.

Now, for my next theoretical exercise, I have tried to imagine what it would be like if the great Marvel Comics team, the Fantastic Four (first appearence FANTASTIC FOUR #1-1961), were created within the DC Universe. You would need a brain, a freak of nature, a babe, and a hot headed kid. Here is who I would pick for my DC Fantastic Four.

THE NEW FANTASTIC FOUR:

1) Ray Palmer AKA the Adam (Reed Richards)
First Appearence SHOWCASE #34 (October 1961)
2) Rex Mason AKA Metamorpho (Ben Grimm)
First Appearence THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD #57 (December 1964)
3) Dinah Lance AKA Black Canary (Sue Richards)
First Appearence JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #75 (November 1969)
4) Ronnie Raymond AKA Firestorm (Johnny Storm)
First Appearence FIRESTORM #1 (March 1978)

In the 70s, Marvel put out an interesting comic book featuring an LA based team of super heroes called, the Champions. I really dug the different character dynamics and personalities and so I have decided to created a counterpart team of Champions using characters from the DC Pantheon...

THE NEW CHAMPIONS:

1) Helena Bertinelli AKA the Huntress (Black Widow)
First Appearance THE HUNTRESS # 1 (April 1989)
The team needs a bad ass chick with no natural super powers.
2) Billy Batson AKA Captain Marvel (Hercules)
First Appearance WHIZ COMICS #1 (February 1940)
To find someone to replace Marvel's Hercules, I chose a DC character with the power of Hercules (among others).
3) Norda Cantrell AKA Northwind (Angel)
First Appearance ALL-STAR SQUADRON #25
The Champions wouldn't be the Champions without a winged dude.
4) Cameron Mahkent AKA Icicle II (Iceman)
First Appearance INFINITY, INC #34 (January 34)
He's a mutant with the power to freeze stuff. Perfect replacement for Bobby Drake.
5) Jim Corrigan AKA the Specter (Ghost Rider)
First Appearance MORE FUN COMICS #52 (February 1940)
I figured the team needed an unstoppable engine of vengeance.
6) Eve Eden AKA Nightshade (Darkstar)
First Appearance CAPTAIN ADAM #82 (1966)
Nightshade and Darkstar have powers so similar they may as well be twins.
7) Jefferson Pierce AKA Black Lightning (Black Goliath)
First Appearance BLACK LIGHTNING #1 (April 1977)
They need a classy reserve member who provides some street cred.

And now, for no additional charge, I offer you an original cool team. My theme is a team of time traveling bounty hunters put together by Rip Hunter to track down villains messing with the time continuum. I present for your amusement and edification...

THE TIME HUNTERS:

1) Rip Hunter, Time Master
First Appearance SHOWCASE #20 (June 1959)
The team leader and mastermind behind this group of heroes. This team could not exist without Rip's Time-Sphere.
2) Jonah Hex
First Appearance ALL-STAR WESTERN TALES #10 (March 1972)
The best bounty hunter in any time and experienced in time travel.
3) Bright Sky After Storm AKA Arak Red-Hand, Son of Thunder
First Appearance WARLORD #48 (August 1981)
A mighty combatant and shaman. The teams warrior/priest.
4) Sergeant Frank Rock
First Appearance OUR ARMY AT WAR #81 (April 1959)
The teams tactician and field leader.
5) Buddy Blank AKA OMAC (One Man Army Corps)
First Appearance OMAC #1 (1974)
The groups power house.
6) Immortal Man
First Appearance STRANGE ADVENTURES #177 (June 1965)
As a being who is continuously reincarnated, the Immortal Man doesn't travel with the rest of the team in the Time Sphere, but meets with them in his various incarnations throughout time, acting as a temporal liaison to the others.
7) Kamandi, Last Boy on Earth
First Appearance KAMANDI #1 (November 1972)
Resourceful team mascot.

I think I've indulged the geek side of my brain enough for today.

Johnny D (Comic Book Aficionado)

Katrina Exposes Failure of Administration

Below is a copy of a letter I e-mailed to the Post Star yesterday. I think it speaks for itself...

Editor,

In a post 9/11 world one would think that the United States would be better prepared for a national crisis. Hurricane Katrina has demonstrated that we are not prepared at all. It took almost one week for FEMA and the National Guard to respond to the thousands of Americans stranded in New Orleans. One week. American citizens. Stranded without food or water or medical supplies. For one week!

I still have trouble wrapping my head around this. This painfully slow response to a national crisis is unacceptable and the people responsible need to be called to account. Perhaps if our military choppers and National Guard were at home and not in Iraq, we could have responded more promptly. Perhaps if our president had not lied to us about WMDs and involved us in the mess in Iraq, we might have been able to get help where and when it was needed. Maybe if this administration had listened to the scientific community when they warned the government about the effects of global warming, they might have better prepared the country for a catastrophe of this magnitude.

But not everybody in America is suffering. Big oil companies have reported record profits. Say, isn't the war in Iraq about oil? No, that's preposterous. It's about revenge for the attacks against us on 9/11/2001. No wait, it wasn't Iraq who bombed us. I guess it is about oil, George W. Bush being a former oil man and all. I'll bet his rich cronies in the oil business are pretty happy with the president's performance during this latest crisis. At least the ones who don't have family in New Orleans.

George W. Bush and his administration have failed the country at every level. And before you think this letter is just about Republican bashing, I feel that the Democrats have failed us as well. If the Democratic Party had found a spine and opposed the Republicans the way they should have over the past eight years, the world would not be in the mess it is today. I'll say one thing for the Republicans, at least they have a clear message (even if it is a selfish and fearful one).

John Michael Decker

Queensbury, New York

The New Outsiders

I've been giving a lot of thought to the DC comic book, The Outsiders featuring Nightwing, Arsenal, Jade, Thunder, Grace, Indigo, Shift and Starfire. It occurs to me that most of these character's (with the exception of Shift) are not outsiders at all. They are gorgeous, athletic, and super powered paragons. If I were to create a team of heroes who called themselves "the Outsiders," then I would pick characters from the DC pantheon who are truly forced to live "outside" of normal human society. Here is the team that I think would truly deserve the title, Outsiders...

1) Cliff Steele AKA Robotman
First Appearance: MY GREATEST ADVENTURE #80 (June 1963)
2) Mitch Shelley AKA Resurrection Man
First Appearence: RESURRECTION MAN #1 (March 1997)
3) Zauriel the Guardian Angel
First Appearence: JLA #6 (June 1997)
4) Jason Blood/Etrigan AKA the Demon
First Appearence: DEMON #1 (September 1972)
5) Bostan Brand AKA Deadman
First Appearence: STRANGE ADVENTURES #205 (September 1967)
6) Daniel Cassidy AKA Blue Devil
First Appearence: FURY OF FIRESTORM #24 (June 1984)
7) Urania "Rainie" Blackwell AKA Element Girl
First Appearence: METAMORPHO #10 (February 1967)

So we have a cyborg, an immortal, an angel, a demon, a ghost, a devil and a science freak. Now that is what I would call a group of "Outsiders."

Johnny D. (honorary Outsider's mascot)

New Sci-Fi/Fantasy Television

It's September and the new television season is upon us. This year there are no less than six new Sci-Fi/Fantasy television series being offered to us by the major networks. Every year I am always hoping for some originality from my favorite genre of television. Hoping to discover a gem of a show like Firefly (foolishly canceled by FOX after only 11 episodes aired). Here is a list of the new shows and my take on them.

SURFACE (Originally this series was going to be called Fathom)

Premise: An extra-terrestrial invasion from a new sub-aquatic life-form begins, and average earth folks have to figure out what is going on.

Timeslot: Mondays at 8PM on NBC.

Lowdown: I don't know about this one. The idea of an invation from beneath the waves rather than space is original, but advanced buzz is not good. The early preview in Dreamwatch magazine only gave the Pilot a 4 out of 10. I'm also getting unfortunate flashbacks to the dreadful NBC crap-fest known as seaQuest DSV. I will probably watch the first episode, but if it does not grab me I will give this one a miss.

THE GHOST WHISPERER

Premise: Melinda Gordon (Jennifer Love Hewitt), a young, newly-married woman with the ability to communicate with the dead, uses her power to help her fellow man. Awwww...

Timeslot: Fridays at 8PM on CBS.

Lowdown: First the negative; this sounds like a blatant rip-off of the NBC show Medium (Monday nights at 10PM). Further, this is the show that is replacing Joan of Arcadia (which was unique and interesting and canceled before it's time). That alone pisses me off and makes me want to boycott it. Where Joan of Arcadia was challenging and did not provide easy answers to the audience, Ghost Whisperer looks to be cloying and saccharine. Now, to the fair, the positive... Hmmm. Well Jennifer Love Hewitt does have a tremendous rack... Yeah, I may just skip this one.

INVASION

Premise: An extra-terrestrial invasion in the wake of a hurricane, as the residents of a small town in the Florida Everglades deal with the weirdness. Yow. That's too close for comfort considering the havic wrought by hurricane Katrina.

Timeslot: Wednesday at 10PM on ABC.

Lowdown: I have not heard much buzz about this show one way or the other, however, it is produced by Shaun Cassidy who created such cool shows at American Gothic and Roar. Both of which were cool as hell but got canceled before they even had a chance. This alone makes me want to check it out. Also, this show looks to be an excellent companion piece to the wonderful Lost (Wednesday at 9PM on ABC).

THRESHOLD

Premise: When an extra-terrestrial craft is discovered in the Atlantic Ocean a team of experts, headed by Dr. Molly Caffrey (Carla Gugino), is assembled to analyze the intention of the craft and help prepare for an alien invasion. Hey, is it just me or are the plots of many of these shows starting to sound annoyingly familiar?

Timeslot: Fridays at 9PM on CBS.

Lowdown: This show has very good advanced buzz. One of the shows producers is David Goyer (the Blade Trilogy and Batman Begins) and Brent Spiner (Data of Star Trek: the Next Generation) plays Nigel Fenway, one of the scientists assigned to Operation: Threshold. I'm also a fan or Carla Gugino (last seen in Sin City). The premise isn't very inspired (three invasion shows this season), but the cast and creative people are very interesting, so I might just give this one a couple of episodes before I figure out if I want to watch it or not.

SUPERNATURAL

Premise: Sam and Dean Winchester (Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles) embark on a road trip around America, confronting ghosts and creatures out of folklore and urban legends as they try to locate their missing father.

Timeslot: Tuesdays at 9PM on The WB.

Lowdown: This show has excellent advanced buzz. Dreamwatch magazine gave it a 9 out of 10 in their advanced review of the Pilot. It is supposed to be genuinely unsettling and scary. I like the idea of two guys in a beat up 1968 Chevy Impala driveing from town to town confronting the supernatural and kicking it's ass. It's sort of like the X-Files meets Route 66. I think this show will be really cool.

THE NIGHT STALKER

Premise: Hard-boiled journalist, Carl Kolchak (Stuart Townsend) and his side-kick, Perri Reed (Gabrielle Union) embark on investigations into stories with ties to the paranormal.

Timeslot: Thursdays at 9PM on ABC.

Lowdown: I loved the original television movie The Night Stalker and it's sequel The Night Strangler, and the original TV series was not without it's charms. Alright, so the original series was kind of dumb, But the thing that made it so fun was Darren McGavin's portrayal of the weathered, rumpled and endearing Carl Kolchak. Stuart Townsend is nothing like McGavin and this show will succeed or fail based on his performance. Advanced buzz on the pilot is pretty bad, but I like this kind of premise and I really want to like this show so I am going to give it a few episodes before I decide whether or not it is worth my valuable time.

And that's the lowdown. If I can't find anything decent to watch this season, perhaps I'll write my own Sci-Fi show.

Decker out...