The Mantle of the Bat

"YEARS--TO TRAIN AND STUDY AND PLAN... HERE, IN THE ENDLESS CAVE, FAR PAST THE BURNT REMAINS OF A CRIMFIGHTER WHO'S TIME HAS PASSED... IT BEGINS HERE--AN ARMY--TO BRING SENSE TO A WORLD PLAGUED BY WORSE THAN THIVES AND MURDERERS... THIS WILL BE A GOOD LIFE... GOOD ENOUGH."

--BRUCE WAYNE

And with those words, Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns graphic novel came to a close. A brilliant and seminal comic book work. This would have been the perfect end to the Batman's career if Miller hadn't gone back to the well one time too many with the disappointingly crappy The Dark Knight Strikes Again (shudder).

But I digress...

This post isn't so much about the Batman as it is about me wanting to be a superhero. Or at least getting the opportunity to play one before I die. I am an actor after all and superhero projects are in vogue at the moment. I always knew that if I was patient enough, I would get my chance. Last Saturday I fulfilled a life long dream by portraying the Batman. Not just any superhero, but one of the big DC comics icons. Alright, it was a half hour gig for Zing*A*Gram. A four year old kid's Birthday party in Troy, New York. But it didn't matter. I was going to be Batman and I intended to do it right. I worked so hard to prepare. I watched a couple episodes of Batman: The Animated Series so I could get that deep, scary Batman voice down. On the drive to the gig I listened to Danny Elfman's musical score for the 1989 Batman film to get into the right head space. It was going to be perfect. Hey, I look more like the Dark Knight than Michael Keaton ever did. And those fake muscles I strapped over my chest didn't hurt either. So I dawned the mantle of the Bat (in a cramped bathroom) and I was ready... Little Sean Curtis got one look at me in my rubber bat suit and screamed his lungs out. I don't think he stopped crying for more than a minute the whole time I was there.

At least I was a hit with the other kids. We played "Duck, Duck, Bat" and "Ring Around the Riddler" and "Follow the Batman." Then there were pictures and autographs and even a Q +A session just before I jumped into my Batmobile and headed back to Gotham. Alright, so maybe I was more Adam West than Christian Bale, but I put the fear of God into a four year old. Pre-Schoolers are a notoriously cowardly and superstitious lot. I'll bet that kid will be talking about me to his therapist for years to come.

Life is often strange and sometimes our dreams come true in bizarre and unexpected ways. But you soldier on because you literally never know what is going to be around the next corner. After all, that's what the Batman would do...

Johnny D (the "D" is for Dark Knight)

Fantastic Four Only Marginally Fantastic

I love comic books. I have been collecting four color adventures for 30+ years and consider myself somewhat of a comic aficionado. I also love movies. So when you combine my two favorite hobbies, I'm inclined to get excited. The Twenty First Century is a good time to be a comic book fan. Besides the many wonderful comic books coming out on a monthly bases, there are a great many films coming out based on comic book properties. So many in fact, that the quality of these films tends to be extremely varied.

My litmus test for a good comic book film is very simple. How close did the film makers stick to the source material. When the film sticks to the spirit of the comic, even if minor things are tweaked, I am happy. The best example of a comic book film sticking to the source material is Sin City. Instead of writing a script, they used the dialog straight from Frank Miller's Graphic Novels. They used his art for the story boards. Because of this, Sin City kicked major ass. An example of a comic book movie that diverted from it's source material was Catwoman, and that was awful. They changed so much that I was surprised that they even called it Catwoman.

The Fantastic Four, as directed by Tim Story, is one of those comic book based films that falls somewhere between Sin City and Catwoman in terms of quality, although the things I liked about the movie (barely) outweigh the things I disliked. This is the story (for those of you who have never read the comic) of four friends who are caught in a cosmic ray storm and genetically mutated and how they decided to use their new powers to benefit humanity.

Here are the things that didn't work...

The casting choices were odd. Reed Richards AKA Mr. Fantastic should be a man in his mid to late 40s. The quintessential, pipe smoking, 1950s scientist archetype. As portrayed by Ioun Gruffudd, he just looks too damn young to be such a renowned scientific genus. In the comic books Sue Storm AKA the Invisible Woman is a maternal, pretty woman in her early to mid 30s. As played by Jessica Alba, she looks like a stunningly gorgeous super model. Now I must admit that the performances of Gruffudd and Alba eventually won me over, but I had to get past my own pre-conceived notions of what the characters should look like. I would have rather had the characters cast more to type and not had to work so hard in the theatre to get past the physical appearances.

Speaking of physical appearance, the casting of Chris Evans as Johnny Storm AKA the Human Torch and Michael Chiklis as Ben Grimm AKA the Thing was much better in terms of age and type, but I wish that Johnny had been a blond like he is in the comic (the buzz cut looked stupid) and Ben had had hair (at least in his human form). Alright, now I know that I'm nit picking, but I'm a geek. That's what we do. I love the Fantastic Four comic, and I want it to match up to the image I have in my head.

I didn't like the films portrayal of Dr. Doom. In the comic books Victor Von Doom was a gypsy boy who, through cunning and genius, works his way to eventually being the absolute dictator of his own country. The Victor Von Doom in the film, as played by Julian McMahon, is a virtual clone of Norman Osborn from the Spider-Man films. A corporate CEO who falls victim to his own ego. In the comics Von Doom is trying to use a machine of his own creation to contact his mother in Hell, when an accident causes the machine to explode and scars his once handsome face. In the movie, Von Doom is on the same satellite as our four heroes when it is struck by a cosmic ray storm, altering his DNA and turning him into a metal coated electric generator. I don't know why film makers feel that they must intertwine the origins of the villains with that of the heroes, but it doesn't always work. Reed Richards and Victor Von Doom were acquaintances in college, that is the only connection they need. Also, the Dr. Doom costume just didn't work for me. His armor looked plastic. Dr. Doom should be a man to fear and awe, and I just didn't get that from McMahon's performance. He should possess an arrogance that is frightening in it's magnitude. Again, Julian McMahon just didn't deliver.

Speaking of costumes that didn't work, I just didn't like the Thing costume. While I appreciated that the mask allowed us to see enough of Michael Chiklis's face so that he could emote, I just couldn't get past the fact that it looked like it was made of rubber, not rock.

Also, the romance between Ben Grimm and Alicia Masters (as played by Kerry Washington) seemed rushed and unnecessary. In the comic it's a real interesting beauty and the beast type relationship, and if it was going to be included in the film, I wish that they would have given it more time.

Alright, now the things that did work...

The acting of the four leads is very good, and they all have a nice chemistry. At it's core, the Fantastic Four is about family, and the family dynamics were very well drawn out here. Reed is a space case, Sue's frustrated that Reed can't look up from his experiments long enough to notice her, Johnny is a hot shot to leaps before he thinks and Ben is a rough around the edges, salt of the earth, type guy who really gets screwed when he is genetically turned into a rock monster. Their interactions form the heart of the film and that is really enjoyable and well done. The Johnny/Ben relationship works especially well. Stan Lee and Jack Kirby would be proud.

The action scenes are well directed and exciting. When you give a damn about the characters (and I did in this movie) actions scenes just work so much better. Besides the costumes, most of the special effects were very good, especially Johnny's flame effect when he is the Human Torch. It was a trip seeing Ben and Doom beat the crap out of each other. Seeing Reed wrap his elastic body around Ben to halt his tantrum and seeing Johnny lead a heat seeking missile away from the teams head quarters (the Baxter Building). All of this stuff comes right out of the comics and is very fun. Also Jessica Alba is real easy on the eyes. Yeah, I know that I complained that she was too attractive to be playing Sue, but if that was the way they were going to cast, than I want to see some cheese cake and I was not disappointed. And considering the handicap of having to work in a stupid looking rubber costume, Michael Chiklis was very effective as the tortured Ben Grimm. There is some real pathos here. A credit to the man's acting skills.

Overall, I would say that this is a fun popcorn movie and not to be taken too seriously. If they can improve the Thing costume and make Doom more of a menace they might really have something fantastic for the sequel.

Decker Out...

The Rock

There once was a Barnacle who spent his life clinging to a rock in the center of a tide pool. The rock was surrounded by a beautiful coral garden, and every day the Barnacle and his brothers and sisters witnessed all manner of aquatic life forms as they would swim and drift and sail past the rock.

But the Barnacle longed for something indefinable and wished to explore his environment more thoroughly. One day he asked his brother, who had been clinging onto the rock next to him all his life, "What would happen if I let go of the rock?"

"Oh, don't do that," his brother responded. "You would be swept away by the rip tides and dashed to pieces against the rocks and the coral of our little tide pool. Much safer to just hang on." And so the Barnacle continued to hang on for many moon cycles. But still he was dissatisfied.

Until one day, summoning up all his courage, the Barnacle released the rock... And he was swept up by the rip tides and dashed against the rocks and the coral of the tide pool as his brother had foretold. And it hurt more than he ever imagined it would... But his shell was much harder than anyone had suspected, and he survived his bumps and bruises and eventually was swept into much gentler currents. And as the little Barnacle drifted across the ocean floor, the wonders he saw...

New coral reefs, bursting with colors he had never dreamed existed. He encountered new species of fish, both familiar and bizarre in appearance, some were friendly and some not so much, but all had things to teach him. He bore witness to the counsel of whales and learned their ancient songs telling of the secret history of the world. And although from time to time a rip tide would take him and smash him about, his shell had grown even harder and now he barely felt the pain.

One early evening when the setting sun was staining the ocean floor with it's orange rays, giving everything an eerily beautiful glow, the Barnacle drifted over another tide pool, and beneath him he happened to spy another rock covered by a family of barnacles. And the barnacles looked up and were awed and they said with great reverence, "Surely you must be God, for you float above us..."

And the Barnacle laughed and replied, "We are all God. All you have to do is let go of the rock."

This Folk Tale was originally conveyed to me by my friend Joe Enzinna in Saratoga Springs, NY in the early 90s.

By Any Other Name...

Of late, I have been giving a lot of thought to names. A name says a lot about a person. Some cultures believe that knowing a persons true name could give you power over them. I was named after my mother's paternal grandfather and her father's middle name became my middle name. Dad's family used to spell my surname Dekkar, but it was changed to Decker by my Dad's grandfather to Americanize it somewhat. I have decided to do an analysis of my name to see if it will yield any insights into my true self...

John (Hebrew): 1. God is gracious. 2. God's gracious gift. 3. Merciful.

Michael (Hebrew): 1.Who is like God.

Decker (German/Belgian): 1. One who covered roofs with tile, straw or slate; a roofer. 2. One who came from Deck or Decker, the names of places in Germany. 3. Man of Prayer.

Translated, you could say that my name is: God's Gracious Gift who is Like God and Fixes Roofs, but I find that rather unwieldy. The translation I prefer is: Merciful God-Like Man of Prayer. Now that is a name a man can be proud of.

Here are some other names that I will forever be connected to...

Salvatore (Italian): Savior. I chose this to be my Catholic Confirmation name, in part to honor my Great Uncle Sal.

Giovanni (Italian): This is my mother's maiden name and it is also the Italian form of John.

Perhaps even more telling than a man's true name is his nick names. What follows is a list of the nick names I've had in my life so far, as well as their origins. Read these and you will know everything you need to know about me...

Johnny: Family nick name. Derivation of John.

Deck: High School nick name. Derivation of Decker.

J.D.: High School nick name. Derivation of John Decker.

J.J., John John: Nick names first given to me by my mother, and later given to me by my friend Chris Prueitt when we worked together at the Sterling Renaissance Festival.

Johnny D.: Nick name given to me by the Groundling Support Troupe I co-directed when I worked at the Sterling Renaissance Festival. Yet another derivation of John Decker.

Cake, Cakie: Family nick name given to me on my first Birthday after stuffing my feed-hole with Birthday Cake.

Mudfoot: Nick name given to me in High School by my friend Eddy Bennett after we decided to give each other "cool soundling Road Warrior names." I named him Seven Horse Killer.

Batman: Nick name given to me in High School after I painted bat symbols on the hood and trunk of my 1976 Dodge Monico.

Fafhrd: This high school nick name was given to me by my friend Rick Backus. He called me Fafhrd and I called him the Gray Mouser based on the sword and sorcery adventurers from the Fritz Leiber novels.

Mars: Nick name given to me by Jonathan Furst, my first college director, because he though that I was so "out there."

Tie Dye Owl, T.D.O.: Nick names given to me by my friend Jeff Frank when we worked together at the Hebron Camp and Conference Center. I was the Arts & Crafts director there and I had just constructed a colorful mask made out of cardboard and yarn which hooked over my glasses. I decorated it with bizarre designs using several magic markers. Jeff saw me wearing it in the dining hall and said that I looked like "the Tie Dye Owl." Thus a legend was born.

Jean-Luc: Another nick name given to me by my friend Jeff Frank. So named for famed Starship Captain, Jean-Luc Picard. A tribute to our mutual love of Star Trek.

Starfleet: Nick name given to me at the Sterling Renaissance Festivel by my friend, Michael Reilly. This comes from the nick name Lt. B'Elanna Torres gave to Ensign Harry Kim on Star Trek: Voyager. Denoting what he perceived to be my naive, boy scout, way of looking at the universe.

Decker-Unit: Once again, this nick name was given to me by Michael Reilly. This one comes from the name the android Ilia gives to Captain Willard Decker in Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

Shadowjack: College nick name. I think this one was started by my friend, Drew. Named for the title character of the Roger Zelazny novel, Jack of Shadows.

Ukal The Mysterious, Ukal T. Mysterious, the Mysterious One or just plain Ukal: Nick names given to me by my Dungeons & Dragons group at SUNY Plattsburgh. Named after my Wizard character. "Ukal" by the way, is Thives Cant for "Master."

Thaddeus Pringle~Three Lost Poems

And now, for your enjoyment and edification, here are three more original Thaddeus Pringle poems, recently discovered stuck to the bottom of a chamber pot in Brussels during an archeological dig...

***

Ode to New Breeches
By
Thaddeus Pringle: Lucky Bastard
~
Whilst examining my ale through a great glass prism
I chanced to spy an organism
~
Green, undulating, and full of malice
I drank it down from my pewter chalice
~
It was soon apparent this was a mistake
As my poor belly commenced to ache
~
I ran to the privy--there was no time
My pantaloons were filling with grime
~
I knew that drinking that ale was a big chance
But it resulted in these fine new pants

___________________________

Ode to My Left Thumb
By
Thaddeus Pringle: Word Smith
~
One day my thumb went missing
I know not where it went
I did miss my little thumb
For it was haeven sent
~
And then my thumb; it re-appeared
I know not the reason why
My digits were again attached
I let out a happy sigh
~
O' where wert thou o' naughty thumb?
I should give thee a spanky--
And why oh why o' naughty thumb
Art thou all dark and stanky?
_____________________

Ode to my Superflous Nipple
By
Thaddeus Pringle: All Man (Woof)
~
Most gentles be cursed, this be true
Count their nipples, they have but two
Now I be blessed, as thou shalt see
Count my nipples, I have three
~
Three little nipples I possess
A right one, a left one, and Celeste
(that be my third nipple's name--Celeste... it was my gammer's name)
It be small, it be itchy, it be in a strange place
When it is touched I tingle from foot to face
~
Some say it be the mark of the devil
But they be wrong on many a level
A third nipple be a mark of grace
I push it down, it pops back into place
__________________________
***

These poems are copyrighted by John Michael Decker (AKA Thaddeus Pringle). Any publication or sale of this work without the authors express written permission is forbidden.
--------------------------------------------------------
=====
"And I'd have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
John Michael Decker