Well, as of the 19th of April 2005, Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger was elected Pope Benedict XVI. And I must confess, I am a wee bit disappointed. Not just because Benedict XVI is an ultra conservative who will cling to outmoded Catholic dogma, keeping Mother Church in the stone age and alienating the progressive faithful. No, I'm disappointed because I should have been elected pope.
Why not me? I'm a single Catholic man who (a long time ago) once seriously considered becoming a monk as my vocation. And, with all due modesty, I would make a kick ass pope. People who want a progressive pope who will drag the Church (kicking and screaming if necessary) into the 21st century, need look no further than me... John Michael Decker. Yeah, I know that I missed my shot this time around, but if I had been elected pope on April the 19th of this year, here are some of the things I would have done to shake up the church a little.
1) First of all there's the name thing. Pope's always name themselves after patron saints or past popes. Frankly this is played out. I say it's time for some out of the box thinking. I would choose a name that would command respect. Like Pope Kirk Picard I, Pope Batman II or His Holiness Captain Ass-Kicker the First.
2) As the pope I would have access to massive resources, so I would spend them in such a way as to make a powerful statement for all of the faithful and non -believers alike. I would have my people construct a giant citadel on the moon shaped like the pope's big, white hat. That way I could look down on the earth like God above, blessing the good, and targeting the foul with my orbital mind-control lasers.
3) Let's face it, the wafers used in mass to represent the body of Christ taste like cardboard. Shouldn't consuming the flesh of our savior be an enjoyable experience? I say we replace these tasteless discs with pop tarts or ho hos. Now that is some sweet cannibalism. Mmmm...
4) As pope I would dress up the elite Swiss guards as Storm Troopers. Better to look like bad ass Imperial clone warriors than girlie little fancy boys. Now that's an entourage that I can respect. I'm also thinking of making my cardinals dress up like the Super-Friends.
And those are just four of the many ideas that I have if I were elected pope. I have hundreds more. Thousands even. But hey, Benedict XVI is 77 years old. How long can his reign last? I'll get my shot. And then, look out world...
Happy Praying,
Johnny D
Friday, April 29, 2005
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Pringle's Poetry Place
For eleven season's (1994 - 2004) I have worked as an interactive actor at the Sterling Renaissance Festival. While there, I had the opportunity to portray several interesting characters, including a thief, an executioner, a pirate and a mud beggar. By far, my favorite character was Thaddeus Pringle, traveling poet (which I played at the Sterling Ren Fest in 1995, 1996 and 2001).
Thaddeus was conceived to be the anti-Shakespeare. A poet so terrible and deviant that he was destined to be forgotten in the annals of history. I wrote a number of poems which were designed to be both wretched and entertaining at the some time. I would read them with this loud, nasally character voice as if they were the greatest epics ever scribbled on parchment.
For some reason, my poems became incredibility popular on the Ren Fest circuit, and I am always meeting people who want copies of my verse (such as it is). So here now, are a few of the works of Thaddeus Pringle... Enjoy... Let me know if you want more?
Thaddeus was conceived to be the anti-Shakespeare. A poet so terrible and deviant that he was destined to be forgotten in the annals of history. I wrote a number of poems which were designed to be both wretched and entertaining at the some time. I would read them with this loud, nasally character voice as if they were the greatest epics ever scribbled on parchment.
For some reason, my poems became incredibility popular on the Ren Fest circuit, and I am always meeting people who want copies of my verse (such as it is). So here now, are a few of the works of Thaddeus Pringle... Enjoy... Let me know if you want more?
Ode to Blood Seeping into the Battlefield Afore it Coagulates
By Thaddeus "Please God, Not the Face" Pringle
~
Be thou barbarian, assassin, or just plain mean
The battlefield be the place to vent thy spleen
Smite thy foe with a heavy glave
Pull his hair and call him knave
~
Beat thy opponent about the shoulders and neck
Unplug his bowels and commence to wreck
Channel thy rage on the soon to be dead
And buckets of blood will pour out of his head
~
Now tis not my intention to condone violence
But when thy foes are dead thou canst enjoy the silence
I pray this verse fills thee with glee
Now for the love of God just don't hurt me!!!_____________________________________________________
The Frightsome Tale of Lord Entropy & the Anvil
by Thaddeus Pringle: Agent of Chaos!!!
~
Just beyond Valhala; slightly left from Hell
Be the lair of High Lord Entropy; whom thou wouldst to know do well
Chaos be his right fist & Ragnarok his left
He lifts his mightly hammer and brings it down with heft
~
Lord Entropy be a weapons smith; of this there is no doubt
And all who face his deadly tools; can do naught but shout
But one eve as he was labouring in darksome smoke & soot
His anvil slipped it's moorings and landed on his foot
~
Now Entropy is mighty; his tolerance is grand
But now his foot was liquefied; his bones were turned to sand
He swallowed up his courage; he spat his weakness out
He vowed to be quite stoic; Then he let out a shout
~
Mayhaps "shout" be too tame a word to describe this sound
All who heard; their ears did bleed; they tumbled to the ground
When Lord Es throat was raw from that awful din
He looked upon his pulverized foot; he gently scratched his chin
~
He said, "Nothing lasts forever lad-I had a foot its true."
"But now the end of my great leg is naught but sticky groo."
Lord E was espied the next dawn; his foot now an iron mace
And if he does chance to kick thy bum; thou wilt be put in thy place...
________________________________________________________
The Sadsome Tale of Anna & the Cow
by Thaddeus Pringle: Extraordinary Gentleman
by Thaddeus Pringle: Extraordinary Gentleman
~
Anna was a farm girl
Her cheeks were pink and bright
Rebecca was a heifer
And to the world she was a blight
~
Anna wondered to the barn
To milk the cow one dark & stormy day
And there Rebecca attacked
That cow wanted her to pay
~
The hoofs they were a' flying
And the udders swinging around
Anna was completely gored
And she fell right to the ground
~
Rebecca stomped on Anna's spleen
She sprayed milk right in her eye
Anna tried hard to escape
But all she could do was cry
~
All seemed lost on that dark & distant day
Anna was about to die
When a freak lightning bolt struck Rebecca
From a dark and lonely sky
~
That night Anna dined on a black & smoking feast
It was charred beef on a stick from the awful slain beast
But when the wind is blowing and Anna's feeling blue
She can still hear dead Rebecca saying, "Moo Moo Moo!"
_____________________________________________________
Ode To Monkeys
By Thaddeus Pringle: Poet, Scholar, Genius
By Thaddeus Pringle: Poet, Scholar, Genius
~
Monkeys, Monkeys~ Everywhere
Monkeys, Monkeys~ In My Hair
~
Monkeys, Monkeys~ Up a Tree
Monkeys Fill Me With Such Glee
~
Monkeys, Monkeys, Monkeys, Monkeys,
Monkeys, Monkeys, MONKEYS!!!!
~
Oh Lord, How I Love Those Harry, Banana-Eating, Little Bastards!
--------------------------------------------------------
These poems are copyrighted by John Michael Decker (AKA Thaddeus Pringle). Any publication or sale of this work without the authors express written permission is forbidden.
--------------------------------------------------------
=====
"And I'd have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
John Michael Decker
Monday, April 18, 2005
Of Auto Mishaps and Cyborgs...
Hello Everyone,
I just wanted to fill you all in on a little incident that occurred last Sunday the 27th of February. As most of you know I had been hired to work at the Bay Area Ren Fest in Tampa this season. Charles Murray and I arranged to rent a place together in St. Petersburgh for the duration of the show. Unfortunately, the place was not ready and we were not able to move in until today (the 2nd of March). For the first weekend of the Faire, Charles found himself a hotel in Tampa and I arranged to house sit for some friends in Gulfport. My biggest concern, the first weekend of the show was that I had picked up a stupid head cold on the trip to Florida, and I was hoping my voice would last through the first show.
The first day of the Faire passed without incident. The second day of the faire, Tampa was experiencing torrential rains. We arrived at the faire for the morning meeting, and were told in short order that the show was going to be canceled that day. Charles and I decided to make the best of it and get a bite to eat. Perhaps catch a movie. Since both of our cars were filled with our possessions, (remember, we hadn't moved into our main housing yet) we could not drive together and were forced to follow one another through rained soaked Tampa. First I followed Charles to his hotel, where we changed into our street clothes (i.e. out of our geeky rennie clothes). Next Charles followed me (I know Tampa a little better than he does, so it was my job to get him to a place where we could get food and see a movie).
So Charles was following me down Fowler Avenue, a road which runs three lanes east and west. I cannot recall which direction I was going in, but it was whatever direction I needed to be in to make a left turn and cross three lanes of traffic in order to get to the university mall. There was a little section in the middle of the road which I had to pull into in order to make the turn. Another vehicle was parked in the middle section of the road, preparing to make a turn in the opposite direction. I didn't realize it at the time, but this vehicle was creating a dangerous blind spot. I attempted to make my turn across Fowler, when a large, gray, SUV (traveling far too fast for the conditions) came barreling out of the blind spot and t-boned my little Oldsmobile, striking it on the rear passenger side and nearly tearing my car in half. The boom box sitting on my passenger seat flew into my arm, causing a right proximal humerus fracture, minimally displaced (that's doctor talk for a broken wing).
The rest of the day was a chaotic jumble of cops and hospitals and pain medications. My possessions were moved into a friends van, to be delivered to my apartment later this week. I am typing this, one handed, from my cousin Mark DiNovo's house in Largo, FL. Besides the broken arm, I am in good shape and, quite frankly, lucky to be alive. I lost some stuff, but stuff can be replaced. Myself and the other gentleman involved in the accident are still alive and that is what is important here. The doctor's say that I should make a full recovery.
I am a lucky man. I am lucky for Friends like Charles Murray who has stuck by me through this whole ordeal. I'm lucky for all of my Renaissance Festival friends who stopped by the road to make sure that I was alright, and who took care of my possessions for me. I'm lucky for family, like my distant cousin Mark and his wife, Lindy, who have taken me in without question during this difficult first week. I'm lucky that I'm still going to be able to perform at the Ren Fest (as a one armed character). I have no idea what I'm going to be doing with myself after this show, but whatever it is I know I'll be lucky to be doing it.
That's all for now. Recounting this has been exhausting. More later...
Love/Soon/Peace
John
Date: Sun, 3 Apr 2005 16:01:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: John Michael Decker
Subject: Another arm update...To: Everybody
Hey Everybody,
Just wanted to fire out another health update to keep everyone in the know. Last Tuesday I went to see a shoulder specialist in Tampa named Dr. Mark Mighell (pronounced "Mile"), and he recommended that I have surgery immediately. You see, in the car accident that broke my upper humerus, my shoulder was knocked out of whack. I was healing improperly, and if I continued to do so, I would have lost some mobility in my right arm. So on Wednesday (the 30th of March) I went to the University Community Hospital in Tampa for an open reduction and fixation of the right proximal humerus. What this means is that they cracked open my arm, straightened out the shoulder and then bolted it all together with a stainless steel plate and some screws. It was my hope to go into surgery on Wednesday and then work at the Bay Area Ren Fest on Saturday the 2nd of April, but I overestimated my bodies recuperative powers, so I've spent the weekend at my apartment in St. Petersburg reading, watching television and listening to music.
The good news is that the surgery went well and I should eventually gain full mobility in my right arm. Also, as a bonus, I have joined such luminaries as Steve Austin, Darth Vader, Wolverine, Vic Stone, the Terminator, and Deathlok the Demolisher as a man with metal in his body. I am still waiting for my super powers to manifest. Just call me Johnny Cyborg!
Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to print in my life right now. I'll see you when I see you...
Your's in a Fusion of Metal and Flesh,
John Michael Decker (Cyborg Action Figure)
I just wanted to fill you all in on a little incident that occurred last Sunday the 27th of February. As most of you know I had been hired to work at the Bay Area Ren Fest in Tampa this season. Charles Murray and I arranged to rent a place together in St. Petersburgh for the duration of the show. Unfortunately, the place was not ready and we were not able to move in until today (the 2nd of March). For the first weekend of the Faire, Charles found himself a hotel in Tampa and I arranged to house sit for some friends in Gulfport. My biggest concern, the first weekend of the show was that I had picked up a stupid head cold on the trip to Florida, and I was hoping my voice would last through the first show.
The first day of the Faire passed without incident. The second day of the faire, Tampa was experiencing torrential rains. We arrived at the faire for the morning meeting, and were told in short order that the show was going to be canceled that day. Charles and I decided to make the best of it and get a bite to eat. Perhaps catch a movie. Since both of our cars were filled with our possessions, (remember, we hadn't moved into our main housing yet) we could not drive together and were forced to follow one another through rained soaked Tampa. First I followed Charles to his hotel, where we changed into our street clothes (i.e. out of our geeky rennie clothes). Next Charles followed me (I know Tampa a little better than he does, so it was my job to get him to a place where we could get food and see a movie).
So Charles was following me down Fowler Avenue, a road which runs three lanes east and west. I cannot recall which direction I was going in, but it was whatever direction I needed to be in to make a left turn and cross three lanes of traffic in order to get to the university mall. There was a little section in the middle of the road which I had to pull into in order to make the turn. Another vehicle was parked in the middle section of the road, preparing to make a turn in the opposite direction. I didn't realize it at the time, but this vehicle was creating a dangerous blind spot. I attempted to make my turn across Fowler, when a large, gray, SUV (traveling far too fast for the conditions) came barreling out of the blind spot and t-boned my little Oldsmobile, striking it on the rear passenger side and nearly tearing my car in half. The boom box sitting on my passenger seat flew into my arm, causing a right proximal humerus fracture, minimally displaced (that's doctor talk for a broken wing).
The rest of the day was a chaotic jumble of cops and hospitals and pain medications. My possessions were moved into a friends van, to be delivered to my apartment later this week. I am typing this, one handed, from my cousin Mark DiNovo's house in Largo, FL. Besides the broken arm, I am in good shape and, quite frankly, lucky to be alive. I lost some stuff, but stuff can be replaced. Myself and the other gentleman involved in the accident are still alive and that is what is important here. The doctor's say that I should make a full recovery.
I am a lucky man. I am lucky for Friends like Charles Murray who has stuck by me through this whole ordeal. I'm lucky for all of my Renaissance Festival friends who stopped by the road to make sure that I was alright, and who took care of my possessions for me. I'm lucky for family, like my distant cousin Mark and his wife, Lindy, who have taken me in without question during this difficult first week. I'm lucky that I'm still going to be able to perform at the Ren Fest (as a one armed character). I have no idea what I'm going to be doing with myself after this show, but whatever it is I know I'll be lucky to be doing it.
That's all for now. Recounting this has been exhausting. More later...
Love/Soon/Peace
John
Date: Sun, 3 Apr 2005 16:01:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: John Michael Decker
Subject: Another arm update...To: Everybody
Hey Everybody,
Just wanted to fire out another health update to keep everyone in the know. Last Tuesday I went to see a shoulder specialist in Tampa named Dr. Mark Mighell (pronounced "Mile"), and he recommended that I have surgery immediately. You see, in the car accident that broke my upper humerus, my shoulder was knocked out of whack. I was healing improperly, and if I continued to do so, I would have lost some mobility in my right arm. So on Wednesday (the 30th of March) I went to the University Community Hospital in Tampa for an open reduction and fixation of the right proximal humerus. What this means is that they cracked open my arm, straightened out the shoulder and then bolted it all together with a stainless steel plate and some screws. It was my hope to go into surgery on Wednesday and then work at the Bay Area Ren Fest on Saturday the 2nd of April, but I overestimated my bodies recuperative powers, so I've spent the weekend at my apartment in St. Petersburg reading, watching television and listening to music.
The good news is that the surgery went well and I should eventually gain full mobility in my right arm. Also, as a bonus, I have joined such luminaries as Steve Austin, Darth Vader, Wolverine, Vic Stone, the Terminator, and Deathlok the Demolisher as a man with metal in his body. I am still waiting for my super powers to manifest. Just call me Johnny Cyborg!
Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to print in my life right now. I'll see you when I see you...
Your's in a Fusion of Metal and Flesh,
John Michael Decker (Cyborg Action Figure)
Saturday, February 12, 2005
My Review of Spider-Man~4 May 2002
I have to say in all honesty that I didn't like the Spider-Man movie...
I LOVED IT!!!! I thought that it was the BEST comic book to film translation yet. Superman is a great film, but it veers into camp in places. Batman is awesome, but to me the story always fell apart in the last 15 minutes (and lets face it, the film was really all about the Joker). The X-Man was the best of all, but it had so many character's to deal with that at times the focus became muddy. Spider-Man, simply, rocked my world.
So many of the scenes were lifted right out of the pages of the comic. When the burgler ran past Pete at the elevator, I got chills down my spine. Chills! And as for the ending, well, Raimi obviously understands Spider-Man. Peter Parker should NEVER have a clear cut victory. He defeats the Goblin, but fuckes up his best friend, Harry in the process. The girl of his dreams admits that she loves him, but his sense of responsibility won't let him commit to her. He lost his Uncle because of a moment of selfishness. A moment. He figures, if I let MJ in, really let her be close, her life will always be in danger just because of her association with him. He loves her so much that he's willing to let her go in order to keep her safe. That is love. And, sure, you could argue that he is a fool to let this red head go, but it is consistant with the character of Peter Parker.
As for Norman Osborn, I thought that Willem Dafoe did a brilliant job with him. This isn't the recent incarnation of Norman Osborn, the puppet master who pulls strings from the shadows like the Kingpin. I never really liked that Norman Osborn. This is the original Norman Osborn as Lee and Ditko painted him. A schizophrenic lunatic. A tragic character. Norman Osborn was a good man (perhaps a little too focused on his work to take time for his son), but a good man none the less. And then there's this experiment and he unleashes all of his dark id. This isn't a brilliant mastermind who is always thinking 12 steps ahead like a chess master, this is a brilliant nut job who acts on his twisted impulses. This is the Green Goblin I remember. The one I love.
And Kirsten Dunst. Could she have been any more hot as a red head? It's easy to see why Peter falls for her. But she also plays that vulnerability. The popular girl who puts up a front to hide her insecurities. Very good performance.
And Toby Maguire WAS Peter Parker. In all of his neurotic complexity. Again, a wonderful performance. And the supporting characters... J. Jonah Jameson, Aunt May and Uncle Ben were done perfectly. This was not the Brian Michael Bendis Spider-Man (as good as that is). Nor was it the Straczenski Spidey or the McFarlone Spidey. This was the Lee/Ditko Spidey all the way baby! The way he moved, the poses, the angst, all amazing. Did I think it was perfect? No, I have a few quibbles, but they are only quibbles.
First of all, the Goblin's costume. He looked like a deranged Power Ranger. I would have gone for a more rubbery, expressive look. My other quibble is that I would have liked to have seen a little bit more of the smart ass Spider-Man. More of the quips and one-liners that Spidey is famous for. They did have a little for that, but I would have liked to see more. Perhaps in the next movie.
Anyway, I give this film an A. I'm not kidding. I think it was that good. I've waited 30 odd years for them to make this movie, and they have done it right.
John the Comic Guru (87 on the WizCATs, Baby!)
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Essays on the 2004 Presidential Election
Greetings Friends,
So, I know that at this point many of us are still ticked off about the election. I have taken the liberty of putting together some Essays on the subject that will make for some good reading if you have the time. Some of you may have seen some of these. Some, perhaps not. If you have the time I invite you to peruse. If you are sick of the election at this point, ignore this post. I don't know about any of you, but I need to feel better...
Johnny D
Hey folks,
I just wanted to thank everyone who worked so hard on the Hellboy campaign. Especially since we won a LANDSLIDE VICTORY!!! Oh sure, you may hear folks in the biased, liberal, media reporting that some Texas coke-head won, but you can discount those reports right now, mister! No monosyllabic, frat-boy, snow-blower, with only one testicle could beat the RIGHT HAND OF DOOM! Hellboy is the next president of the United States and Jar Jar Binks, the V.P. (Don't worry folks, the Vice President doesn't really have any power). It's been a tough campaign, but we finally pulled it all together when we won over the psychotic, video playing voters.
Thank Zues, we finally have an independent voice for change in the White House. And if those nay-sayers in congress try to block H.B., why he'll just BEAT the crap out of them! Did I mention that he has a GIANT, STONE, RIGHT HAND!!!?
This is a good day for Democracy people! Good has triumphed over evil, just like in the comic books. That's the way I'm going to view it at any rate. Hey, it's my reality and nobody can take that away from me! Sometimes that ol' coyote energy just crosses your path, and when that happens you just have to laugh, baby, laugh, 'cause the alternative is to feel like crap, and nobody wants that.
Big Love to All,
Johnny D. (Hellboy Campaign Manager)
17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists... by Michael Moore
11/5/04
Dear Friends,
Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, inthe words of Monty Python, 'always look on the bright side of life!' ThereIS some good news from Tuesday's election.
Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:
1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.
2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president sinceWoodrow Wilson in 1916.
3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.
4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think thecountry is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don't approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)
5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in theSenate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack theSupreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats dotheir job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.
6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace ofour democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole WestCoast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water,all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them inlava. And no more show tunes!
7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just anyold nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut.May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.
8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America willno longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! Ifyou're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be trulygolden and you will be well cared for in your old age.
9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get marriedin 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won'thave to buy now.
10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress,including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good tohave more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidatescan't.
11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!
12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.
13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled statelegislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.
14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment thanthe one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out --and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard workthat will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12thgrade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat thenext four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at theranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved hispoint, avenged his father and kicked our ass.
15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following twoscenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to theChristian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so thathistory will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push fortoo aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky andarrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of suchmajor proportions that even his own party will have to remove him fromoffice.
16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of votingage. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- itmeans we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yardsto go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 ofthose yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and gohome crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the threeyard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies arecoming!!!
17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for thecandidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the totalnumber of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore.Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking fora trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first timesince Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country hasalways been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news isthat so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact,that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the oneswho brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element ofsurprise in 2008.
Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "MyRomanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such awonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"
But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.
Yours,
Michael MooreMMFlint@aol.comwww.michaelmoore.com
Laura's "Anthem of Hope"
(written 11/3/04)
When I woke up this morning,
I stuck my head in the sand,
For it was a woeful day
In this big America-land.
The headlines proclaimed it clearly-
"Tyrant has taken the lead",
Kerry was doomed, & the rest of the world too;
"Victory for Puppet Regime!"
While news stations broadcast the crowds
With their triumphant zombie-like cheers,
I swallowed my bile down hard
And tried to extinguish my fears,
But as the news sank in, I burned
With an anger and disbelief strong,
For injustice and greed and pollution
Had been ruling our country too long.
And just to think of the very idea
Of him leading us another four years,
Caused the dread to rise up within me
And well up my young eyes with tears.
Then kicking the clothes on my floor,
I cursed and I slandered the lot
Of the 51% who were hellbent
On re-electing this illiterate crackpot!
I imagined them standing in line, or
Sipping their coffee at work,
Or shopping & talking about nothing at all
And donating their money at church,
But I noticed my generalizations
Were getting the best out of me,
And I hated my plummenting attitude,
Poor & full of hypocrisy...
So desiring some clarity & peace,
I decided to listen instead;
So I threw on a coat and some shoes,
And went outside to clear my head
Often, in the past, I have noticed,
That the wilderness has things to say-
being one wise & familiar
With trials like pollution and pain,
And sure enough, as I walked, it spoke,
And it told me to accept the current state,
but also to use it as a catapault
for creating the change that I wanted so greatly.
Well, this message soaked in me like a poultice,
And filled me with great inspiration;
It changed me from hopeless & fearful,
To one bright & full of invention!
No longer did the upcoming term
Loom like an unavoidable pain;
Instead of WWIII or some other catastrophe,
There was hope for a renaissance of grassroots change!
And looking at it from this new perspective,
My creativity & knowledge would now be
Challenged & inspired & stretched up
To levels that I could not even forsee!
Now when Bush says "We must battle evil"
Well, by George, that's just what I'll do!
By educating myself & others,
I'll be "smoking out" the Bush lies from you!
And I'll pedal my bike more often,
And I'll learn to travel by bus,
And I'll rally & sign petitions,
And continue to support small business!
And I'll save up my money, not spend it,
And support the working rights of human beans,
and fight for the protection of our environment,
in any way and by any means!
And if ever I start to lose my steam,
I'll just look at a headline of Junior
And that's all I'll need to get fired up
And fight for democracy & honor!
Well maybe, just perhaps, if this morning
I had heard that the Democrats won,
I would've become lax & overtrusting,
Relying on them to get the important work done,
But since his Bushiness has been elected
To do his monkey business again,
Well I'm sincere & overjoyed to find myself employed
In the daily occupation of being a responsible American!
So that's why I'm choosing to sing & make merry-
'Cause tonight, I've been renewed!
This election has merited my proactive spirit,
And your Bushiness, here's thanking you!
If profanity offends you, don't read on. However, it's pretty damn funny.
From http://fuckthesouth.com/
Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep. And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really? Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello?
Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard? No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch. All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice. The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked.
Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes. Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute.
You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part. But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards.
Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes. Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass. And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.
Fourteen Characteristics of Fascism Dr. Lawrence Britt, a political scientist, wrote an article about fascism which appeared in Free Inquiry magazine -- a journal of humanist thought.
Dr. Brittstudied the fascist regimes of Hitler (Germany), Mussolini (Italy), Franco (Spain), Suharto (Indonesia), and Pinochet (Chile). He found the regimes all had 14things in common, and he calls these the identifying characteristics of fascism. The article is titled 'Fascism Anyone?', by Lawrence Britt, and appears in Free Inquiry's Spring 2003 issue on page 20.The 14 characteristics are:
1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism -- Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.
2. Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights -- Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded thathuman rights can be ignored in certain cases because of "need". The people tend to 'look the other way' or even approve of torture, summary executions,assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc.
3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause -- The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceivedcommon threat or foe: racial, ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists, terrorists, etc.
4. Supremacy of the Military -- Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding,and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.
5. Rampant Sexism -- The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles aremade more rigid. Opposition to abortion is high, as is homophobia and anti-gay legislation and national policy.
6. Controlled Mass Media -- Sometimes the media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled bygovernment regulation, or through sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in wartime, is very common.
7. Obsession with National Security -- Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses.
8. Religion and Government are Intertwined -- Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate publicopinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to thegovernment's policies or actions.
9. Corporate Power is Protected -- The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power,creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.
10. Labor Power is Suppressed -- Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminatedentirely or are severely suppressed.
11. Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts -- Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommonfor professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free _____expression in the arts is openly attacked, and governments often refuse to fund thearts.
12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment -- Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willingto overlook police abuses, and even forego civil liberties, in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power infascist nations.
13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption -- Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other togovernment positions, and who use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes fornational resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.
14. Fraudulent Elections -- Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against (oreven the assassination of) opposition candidates, the use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and the manipulation of themedia. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.
[see http://www.secularhumanism.org/library/fi/britt_23_2.htm for complete text of article.]
From: Diane deGroot
Subject: Secession
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2004 11:19:31 -0800 (PST)
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii,Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we are getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.
Sincerely,
California
So, I know that at this point many of us are still ticked off about the election. I have taken the liberty of putting together some Essays on the subject that will make for some good reading if you have the time. Some of you may have seen some of these. Some, perhaps not. If you have the time I invite you to peruse. If you are sick of the election at this point, ignore this post. I don't know about any of you, but I need to feel better...
Johnny D
Hey folks,
I just wanted to thank everyone who worked so hard on the Hellboy campaign. Especially since we won a LANDSLIDE VICTORY!!! Oh sure, you may hear folks in the biased, liberal, media reporting that some Texas coke-head won, but you can discount those reports right now, mister! No monosyllabic, frat-boy, snow-blower, with only one testicle could beat the RIGHT HAND OF DOOM! Hellboy is the next president of the United States and Jar Jar Binks, the V.P. (Don't worry folks, the Vice President doesn't really have any power). It's been a tough campaign, but we finally pulled it all together when we won over the psychotic, video playing voters.
Thank Zues, we finally have an independent voice for change in the White House. And if those nay-sayers in congress try to block H.B., why he'll just BEAT the crap out of them! Did I mention that he has a GIANT, STONE, RIGHT HAND!!!?
This is a good day for Democracy people! Good has triumphed over evil, just like in the comic books. That's the way I'm going to view it at any rate. Hey, it's my reality and nobody can take that away from me! Sometimes that ol' coyote energy just crosses your path, and when that happens you just have to laugh, baby, laugh, 'cause the alternative is to feel like crap, and nobody wants that.
Big Love to All,
Johnny D. (Hellboy Campaign Manager)
17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists... by Michael Moore
11/5/04
Dear Friends,
Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, inthe words of Monty Python, 'always look on the bright side of life!' ThereIS some good news from Tuesday's election.
Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:
1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.
2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president sinceWoodrow Wilson in 1916.
3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.
4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think thecountry is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don't approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)
5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in theSenate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack theSupreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats dotheir job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.
6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace ofour democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole WestCoast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water,all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them inlava. And no more show tunes!
7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just anyold nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut.May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.
8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America willno longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! Ifyou're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be trulygolden and you will be well cared for in your old age.
9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get marriedin 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won'thave to buy now.
10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress,including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good tohave more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidatescan't.
11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!
12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.
13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled statelegislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.
14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment thanthe one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out --and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard workthat will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12thgrade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat thenext four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at theranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved hispoint, avenged his father and kicked our ass.
15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following twoscenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to theChristian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so thathistory will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push fortoo aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky andarrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of suchmajor proportions that even his own party will have to remove him fromoffice.
16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of votingage. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- itmeans we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yardsto go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 ofthose yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and gohome crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the threeyard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies arecoming!!!
17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for thecandidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the totalnumber of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore.Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking fora trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first timesince Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country hasalways been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news isthat so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact,that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the oneswho brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element ofsurprise in 2008.
Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "MyRomanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such awonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"
But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.
Yours,
Michael MooreMMFlint@aol.comwww.michaelmoore.com
Laura's "Anthem of Hope"
(written 11/3/04)
When I woke up this morning,
I stuck my head in the sand,
For it was a woeful day
In this big America-land.
The headlines proclaimed it clearly-
"Tyrant has taken the lead",
Kerry was doomed, & the rest of the world too;
"Victory for Puppet Regime!"
While news stations broadcast the crowds
With their triumphant zombie-like cheers,
I swallowed my bile down hard
And tried to extinguish my fears,
But as the news sank in, I burned
With an anger and disbelief strong,
For injustice and greed and pollution
Had been ruling our country too long.
And just to think of the very idea
Of him leading us another four years,
Caused the dread to rise up within me
And well up my young eyes with tears.
Then kicking the clothes on my floor,
I cursed and I slandered the lot
Of the 51% who were hellbent
On re-electing this illiterate crackpot!
I imagined them standing in line, or
Sipping their coffee at work,
Or shopping & talking about nothing at all
And donating their money at church,
But I noticed my generalizations
Were getting the best out of me,
And I hated my plummenting attitude,
Poor & full of hypocrisy...
So desiring some clarity & peace,
I decided to listen instead;
So I threw on a coat and some shoes,
And went outside to clear my head
Often, in the past, I have noticed,
That the wilderness has things to say-
being one wise & familiar
With trials like pollution and pain,
And sure enough, as I walked, it spoke,
And it told me to accept the current state,
but also to use it as a catapault
for creating the change that I wanted so greatly.
Well, this message soaked in me like a poultice,
And filled me with great inspiration;
It changed me from hopeless & fearful,
To one bright & full of invention!
No longer did the upcoming term
Loom like an unavoidable pain;
Instead of WWIII or some other catastrophe,
There was hope for a renaissance of grassroots change!
And looking at it from this new perspective,
My creativity & knowledge would now be
Challenged & inspired & stretched up
To levels that I could not even forsee!
Now when Bush says "We must battle evil"
Well, by George, that's just what I'll do!
By educating myself & others,
I'll be "smoking out" the Bush lies from you!
And I'll pedal my bike more often,
And I'll learn to travel by bus,
And I'll rally & sign petitions,
And continue to support small business!
And I'll save up my money, not spend it,
And support the working rights of human beans,
and fight for the protection of our environment,
in any way and by any means!
And if ever I start to lose my steam,
I'll just look at a headline of Junior
And that's all I'll need to get fired up
And fight for democracy & honor!
Well maybe, just perhaps, if this morning
I had heard that the Democrats won,
I would've become lax & overtrusting,
Relying on them to get the important work done,
But since his Bushiness has been elected
To do his monkey business again,
Well I'm sincere & overjoyed to find myself employed
In the daily occupation of being a responsible American!
So that's why I'm choosing to sing & make merry-
'Cause tonight, I've been renewed!
This election has merited my proactive spirit,
And your Bushiness, here's thanking you!
If profanity offends you, don't read on. However, it's pretty damn funny.
From http://fuckthesouth.com/
Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep. And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really? Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello?
Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard? No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch. All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice. The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked.
Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes. Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute.
You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part. But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards.
Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes. Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass. And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.
Fourteen Characteristics of Fascism Dr. Lawrence Britt, a political scientist, wrote an article about fascism which appeared in Free Inquiry magazine -- a journal of humanist thought.
Dr. Brittstudied the fascist regimes of Hitler (Germany), Mussolini (Italy), Franco (Spain), Suharto (Indonesia), and Pinochet (Chile). He found the regimes all had 14things in common, and he calls these the identifying characteristics of fascism. The article is titled 'Fascism Anyone?', by Lawrence Britt, and appears in Free Inquiry's Spring 2003 issue on page 20.The 14 characteristics are:
1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism -- Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.
2. Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights -- Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded thathuman rights can be ignored in certain cases because of "need". The people tend to 'look the other way' or even approve of torture, summary executions,assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc.
3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause -- The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceivedcommon threat or foe: racial, ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists, terrorists, etc.
4. Supremacy of the Military -- Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding,and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.
5. Rampant Sexism -- The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles aremade more rigid. Opposition to abortion is high, as is homophobia and anti-gay legislation and national policy.
6. Controlled Mass Media -- Sometimes the media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled bygovernment regulation, or through sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in wartime, is very common.
7. Obsession with National Security -- Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses.
8. Religion and Government are Intertwined -- Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate publicopinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to thegovernment's policies or actions.
9. Corporate Power is Protected -- The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power,creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.
10. Labor Power is Suppressed -- Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminatedentirely or are severely suppressed.
11. Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts -- Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommonfor professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free _____expression in the arts is openly attacked, and governments often refuse to fund thearts.
12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment -- Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willingto overlook police abuses, and even forego civil liberties, in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power infascist nations.
13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption -- Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other togovernment positions, and who use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes fornational resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.
14. Fraudulent Elections -- Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against (oreven the assassination of) opposition candidates, the use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and the manipulation of themedia. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.
[see http://www.secularhumanism.org/library/fi/britt_23_2.htm for complete text of article.]
From: Diane deGroot
Subject: Secession
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2004 11:19:31 -0800 (PST)
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii,Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we are getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.
Sincerely,
California
Friday, February 04, 2005
My Letter to the Creators of Grim Jack
Misters Ostrander, Truman & Gold,
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! After thirteen years in the darkness, the long night is over. GrimJack is back! Praise Jesus! Praise Allah and all the Buddhas. Praise Stan Lee & Jack Kirby; the twin Gods of four color entertainment! Hence fourth, February the 2nd shall no longer be remembered as "Groundhog Day." It shall forever be know as "The Day of GrimJack." Yes, the Grinner has returned. Burst forth from the bone yard of comic book limbo. Grandfather of the grim 'n gritty anti-hero. Often imitated, never duplicated...
I could go on and on like this. I'm just so happy. In case you haven't figured it out, I'm a big fan. From the first moment I saw John Gaunt in that back up story in Starslayer (way back in 1983), I knew that there was something different about this character. Something magic. Here was a comic that combined elements of everything that I think is cool. Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Film Noir, Westerns, monsters and wonderful multi-dimensional characters all living in the multi-dimensional city of Cynosure. A place where anything could happen. And when the series ended and I heard that legal troubles would probably keep it from ever being published again, I mourned.
But now, after thirteen long years, a new GrimJack comic is finally on the stands. And gentleman, it was worth the wait. With GrimJack: Killer Instinct, you boys have knocked one out of the park. It is obvious to me that you all love this comic, and that shows in every word on every panel of this beautifully rendered book. Right now I'm not going to go into a detailed analysis of everything that I think is great about this mini-series. Instead I just want to offer a heart felt thank you for never giving up on this concept or this character. I'm along for the ride for as long as you want to tell the stories of John Gaunt and his gang of misfits. Just don't leave us waiting for another thirteen years after this mini-series ends. I don't think my heart could take it.
Sincerely,
Johnny D
P.S.: When is Uncle Elvis going to reactivate the GrimJack fan club?
Monday, January 10, 2005
John Michael Decker's Top Ten Films of 1999
For anyone who cares, here is my list of the 10 best movies of 1999. This is my own completely biased opinion, so feel free to agree, disagree or send me your own lists. This was such a fantastic year for movies that there were probably twice as many movies that I wanted to put on the list, but I only had ten slots to fill, so there you go. Still, I would be remiss if I did not mention a few of the movies that almost made it on the list. THE SIXTH SENSE, ELECTION, and THE IRON GIANT were all excellent and deserve recognition.
But here is the main list...
#10) THE GREEN MILE: There's just something really uplifting about a Stephen King prison flick.
#9) THREE KINGS: A bizarre mix of War Movie, Buddy Comedy, and Art House Indie Flick. And it all works.
#8) GO: I loved how all of the dangling plot lines seamlessly converged. This movie was a ride.
#7) BEING JOHN MALKOVICH: A unique parable for anyone who's ever wanted to live in someone else's skin.
#6) SLEEPY HOLLOW: Sure, this film had all the sensibility of a Hammer horrer flick, but it was slick and well acted and it never failed to hold my attention. Come on. There were multiple beheadings and a windmill of destruction! That is just cool.
#5) RUN, LOLA, RUN: The movie that put forth the idea that life is a video game. Don't like how it ends? Put in a coin and start over.
#4) DOGMA: A lot of folks complained about the crass humor, but I thought this movie had a real spiritual heart and soul. Not to mention some genuine belly laughs.
#3) FIGHT CLUB: Brutal, brilliant, social satire.
#2) THE MATRIX: A Sci-Fi flick that really makes you think! This movie worked for me on so many levels that even after multaple viewings, I'm still not sick of it.
And the BEST movie of 1999...
#1) AMERICAN BEAUTY: A beautiful fable about the secret life of things.
And those are my picks, like it or not!
--John
But here is the main list...
#10) THE GREEN MILE: There's just something really uplifting about a Stephen King prison flick.
#9) THREE KINGS: A bizarre mix of War Movie, Buddy Comedy, and Art House Indie Flick. And it all works.
#8) GO: I loved how all of the dangling plot lines seamlessly converged. This movie was a ride.
#7) BEING JOHN MALKOVICH: A unique parable for anyone who's ever wanted to live in someone else's skin.
#6) SLEEPY HOLLOW: Sure, this film had all the sensibility of a Hammer horrer flick, but it was slick and well acted and it never failed to hold my attention. Come on. There were multiple beheadings and a windmill of destruction! That is just cool.
#5) RUN, LOLA, RUN: The movie that put forth the idea that life is a video game. Don't like how it ends? Put in a coin and start over.
#4) DOGMA: A lot of folks complained about the crass humor, but I thought this movie had a real spiritual heart and soul. Not to mention some genuine belly laughs.
#3) FIGHT CLUB: Brutal, brilliant, social satire.
#2) THE MATRIX: A Sci-Fi flick that really makes you think! This movie worked for me on so many levels that even after multaple viewings, I'm still not sick of it.
And the BEST movie of 1999...
#1) AMERICAN BEAUTY: A beautiful fable about the secret life of things.
And those are my picks, like it or not!
--John
John Michael Decker's Top Ten Films of 2000
Hey Everybody,
Overall I was under-whelmed with the selection of films we were offered in 2000. There just wasn't a lot of unique, on the edge, kind of movies like we saw in '99 (i.e. Fight Club, Being John Malkovich, Election, the Sixth Sense or American Beauty).
I was, however, able to put together a list of ten films which I have seen in 2000 that I can happily recommend to any of you. So now, without further ado, here is my list of the TOP TEN MOVIES OF THE YEAR 2000 in descending order...
#10) PITCH BLACK: When I first saw the preview for this movie I thought that it was just going to be another ALIEN rip-off. But thanks to some cleaver direction from David Twohy and some strong performances (especially by Vin Diesel) this turned out to be a really pleasant little surprise.
#9) CHICKEN RUN: Claymation chickens attempt to throw off the yoke of their evil overlords and stage an escape from the poultry coop. What more could you ask for?
#8) BEST IN SHOW: A hilarious mockumentary exploring the dog show sub-culture in America. Christopher Guest once again proves that he is the entertainment worlds greatest chameleon and Fred Willard is particularly funny as an announcer who doesn't know what the hell he is talking about.
#7) NURSE BETTY: An original plot, excellent performances by Chris Rock, Morgan Freeman and Renee Zellweger, and lots of neat plot twists make this a surprisingly good little movie.
#6) THE WAY OF THE GUN: A really excellent film about bad people. Great dialogue, intense action scenes and highly complex characters make this movie a winner.
#5) UNBREAKABLE: What if comic book laws of fate and destiny were applied to the real world? What if Alfred Hitchcock made a super hero film? See this movie to find out.
#4) GLADIATOR: Russell Crowe kicks ass in this sword and sandal epic.
#3) ALMOST FAMOUS: Not so much a story about Rock & Roll as it is about unrequited love. Funny and bitter sweet, this one really got to me.
#2) THE X-MEN: The best comic book to movie translation so far, bar none! And it's about damn time. Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellen were born to play Professor X and Magneto, the Martain Luthor King and Malcolm X of mutant rights, but it is Hugh Jackman who steals the show as Wolverine, the ultimate macho brawler with a heart.
And the very best movie of the year 2000 is...
#1) CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON: Not only is this the best martial arts film I have ever seen, but it contains a beautiful story about following your own path, despite conventional wisdom on the matter, and the terrible consequences for those who do not. ChowYun-Fat is my new acting God.
And those are my choices for this year. Agree? Disagree? E-mail me and let me know. :-)
--JMD
Overall I was under-whelmed with the selection of films we were offered in 2000. There just wasn't a lot of unique, on the edge, kind of movies like we saw in '99 (i.e. Fight Club, Being John Malkovich, Election, the Sixth Sense or American Beauty).
I was, however, able to put together a list of ten films which I have seen in 2000 that I can happily recommend to any of you. So now, without further ado, here is my list of the TOP TEN MOVIES OF THE YEAR 2000 in descending order...
#10) PITCH BLACK: When I first saw the preview for this movie I thought that it was just going to be another ALIEN rip-off. But thanks to some cleaver direction from David Twohy and some strong performances (especially by Vin Diesel) this turned out to be a really pleasant little surprise.
#9) CHICKEN RUN: Claymation chickens attempt to throw off the yoke of their evil overlords and stage an escape from the poultry coop. What more could you ask for?
#8) BEST IN SHOW: A hilarious mockumentary exploring the dog show sub-culture in America. Christopher Guest once again proves that he is the entertainment worlds greatest chameleon and Fred Willard is particularly funny as an announcer who doesn't know what the hell he is talking about.
#7) NURSE BETTY: An original plot, excellent performances by Chris Rock, Morgan Freeman and Renee Zellweger, and lots of neat plot twists make this a surprisingly good little movie.
#6) THE WAY OF THE GUN: A really excellent film about bad people. Great dialogue, intense action scenes and highly complex characters make this movie a winner.
#5) UNBREAKABLE: What if comic book laws of fate and destiny were applied to the real world? What if Alfred Hitchcock made a super hero film? See this movie to find out.
#4) GLADIATOR: Russell Crowe kicks ass in this sword and sandal epic.
#3) ALMOST FAMOUS: Not so much a story about Rock & Roll as it is about unrequited love. Funny and bitter sweet, this one really got to me.
#2) THE X-MEN: The best comic book to movie translation so far, bar none! And it's about damn time. Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellen were born to play Professor X and Magneto, the Martain Luthor King and Malcolm X of mutant rights, but it is Hugh Jackman who steals the show as Wolverine, the ultimate macho brawler with a heart.
And the very best movie of the year 2000 is...
#1) CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON: Not only is this the best martial arts film I have ever seen, but it contains a beautiful story about following your own path, despite conventional wisdom on the matter, and the terrible consequences for those who do not. ChowYun-Fat is my new acting God.
And those are my choices for this year. Agree? Disagree? E-mail me and let me know. :-)
--JMD
John Michael Decker's Top Ten Films of 2001
It's time, once again, for my annual Top 10 Films list. And without further ado, here is the 2001 list in descending order:
#10) MOULIN ROUGE: Normally musicals are not my bag, but this one won me over with its zany, in your face, style and great on-screen chemistry between Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman.
#9) THE TAILOR OF PANAMA: A fable about how a tailor's tall tales to a banished British spy leads to an international incident.
#8) SHREK: A dark animated comedy that turns the conventional fairy tale on it's ear. I especially enjoyed some of the not-so-subtle swipes at Disney. Good fun.
#7) JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK: This is a gift from director, Kevin Smith to his most loyal fans. A hilarious road movie with absolutely no socially redeeming value whatsoever.
#6) THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE: A modern film noir classic from the Coen Brothers. Billy Bob Thornton gives a brilliant, understated performance in this film which manages to be both funny and sad at the same time.
#5) AMELIE: Audrey Tautou is just enchanting as the shy but creative title character in this film about awoman who has an easier time helping strangers than dealing with real relationships.
#4) A.I.: A wonderful Science Fiction film that deals with the staggering cruelty of programing a machine to have human emotions. Kind of like an old Grimm's Fairy Tale with the darkness and the harsh lessons. Jude Law shines as Joe the android gigolo.
#3) MULHOLLAND DRIVE: An amazing, surrealistic, erotic, suspensful, puzzle-box of a movie with a star-making performance by Naomi Watts. Is this film a dream within a nightmare? A nightmare within a dream?A drugged out hallucination? I don't know. What I do know is that it was totally absorbing from beginning to end and well worth multiple viewings.
#2) MOMENTO: Easily the most clever movie of the year. A backwards running murder mystery with a protagonist with no short term memory. Also worth multiple viewings.
And my pick for the #1 best film of 2001...
#1) LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING: A beautifully shot, acted, and realized interpreation of the first book in J.R.R. Tolken's classic trilogy. Perhaps the greatest fantasy story ever written lovingly done justice to by Peter Jackson. Not at all an easy feat.
Looking over my list, I see that it was a better year at the movies than a lot of people thought it was. Agree with me? Disagree? Think I'm on crack? E-mail me and let me know. I'd love to hear from you. Hope you all had a wonderful New Year. I'll see you all on May the 3rd for the premier of SPIDER-MAN!
"And I'd have gotten away with it tooif it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
John Michael Decker
#10) MOULIN ROUGE: Normally musicals are not my bag, but this one won me over with its zany, in your face, style and great on-screen chemistry between Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman.
#9) THE TAILOR OF PANAMA: A fable about how a tailor's tall tales to a banished British spy leads to an international incident.
#8) SHREK: A dark animated comedy that turns the conventional fairy tale on it's ear. I especially enjoyed some of the not-so-subtle swipes at Disney. Good fun.
#7) JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK: This is a gift from director, Kevin Smith to his most loyal fans. A hilarious road movie with absolutely no socially redeeming value whatsoever.
#6) THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE: A modern film noir classic from the Coen Brothers. Billy Bob Thornton gives a brilliant, understated performance in this film which manages to be both funny and sad at the same time.
#5) AMELIE: Audrey Tautou is just enchanting as the shy but creative title character in this film about awoman who has an easier time helping strangers than dealing with real relationships.
#4) A.I.: A wonderful Science Fiction film that deals with the staggering cruelty of programing a machine to have human emotions. Kind of like an old Grimm's Fairy Tale with the darkness and the harsh lessons. Jude Law shines as Joe the android gigolo.
#3) MULHOLLAND DRIVE: An amazing, surrealistic, erotic, suspensful, puzzle-box of a movie with a star-making performance by Naomi Watts. Is this film a dream within a nightmare? A nightmare within a dream?A drugged out hallucination? I don't know. What I do know is that it was totally absorbing from beginning to end and well worth multiple viewings.
#2) MOMENTO: Easily the most clever movie of the year. A backwards running murder mystery with a protagonist with no short term memory. Also worth multiple viewings.
And my pick for the #1 best film of 2001...
#1) LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING: A beautifully shot, acted, and realized interpreation of the first book in J.R.R. Tolken's classic trilogy. Perhaps the greatest fantasy story ever written lovingly done justice to by Peter Jackson. Not at all an easy feat.
Looking over my list, I see that it was a better year at the movies than a lot of people thought it was. Agree with me? Disagree? Think I'm on crack? E-mail me and let me know. I'd love to hear from you. Hope you all had a wonderful New Year. I'll see you all on May the 3rd for the premier of SPIDER-MAN!
"And I'd have gotten away with it tooif it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
John Michael Decker
John Michael Decker's Top Ten Films of 2002
Friends,
It's time again to continue the quant little tradition I started in 1999, by listing my top ten favoriate films which I saw in the year 2002. Keep in mind that A) I didn't see every single film that came out so there are probably several great little movies that I missed totally and B) I am not a professional film critic, these are just my own very biased opinions. Feel free to agree with me or not. And now, without futher ado, here are my top 10 films of 2002 in decending order from 10 to 1.
10) XXX: The best James Bond film in 2002 wasn't a James Bond film at all. With all due respect to DIE ANOTHER DAY (which was a worthy installment in the Bond franchise) XXX was a lot more fun. What the filmmakers did was to take the James Bond formula that has been used for 40 years and amp everything up to the nth degree. Xander Cage is the anarchist super spy for the 21st century.
9) FEMME FATALE: Normally Brian DePalma films aren't my cup of tea, but this one won me over with a plot that was so twisted, so original and so ludicrous that it was fun to just hang on and enjoy the ride. I especially enjoyed the scenery chewing performances of Rebecca Romijn-Stamos as the title bitch and Antonio Banderas as the chump who didn't have a prayer of outwitting her.
8) ROAD TO PERDITION: Tom Hanks is excellent here playing against type as a hit man trying to avenge his family and at the same time save his son from following in his footsteps.
7) HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS: Both darker and more exciting than it's predecessor, director Chris Columbus has done an excellent job of translating J.K. Rowlings magical world to the big screen.
6) THE DANGEROUS LIVES OF ALTER BOYS: A coming of age story with mountain lions, comic book superheroes and Jodie Foster as a one-legged nun. What more could you ask for?
5) FRAILTY: Easily the scariest film of the year. A family is torn apart by religious fanaticism, but the most frightening idea that this film puts forth is the notion that the Christian zealots of the world may be right. Big kudos to first time director Bill Paxton.
4) THE SALTON SEA: How far would a person go to avenge a loved one? And once you've crossed certain lines, can you ever go back? See this film for some compelling answers. Look for stand out performances byVal Kilmer as the morally compromised hero and Vincent D'Onofrio as the no-nosed drug dealer obsessed with the JFK assassination.
3) SIGNS: M Night Shyamalan's latest thriller deals with an ex-priest struggling with his faith and trying to hold his family together during an alian invasion. Keeps you in suspence til the very end.
2) THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS: Just as good as the FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING and perhaps a bit more epic in scale. Peter Jackson continues to do justice to Tolkiens great trilogy.
And my favoriate film of 2002...
1) SPIDER-MAN: Quite simply this is the movie that Ihave been waiting for them to make since I was about nine years old. Sam Raimi should give master classes in how to interpret the comic book art form on the big screen. Other's may argue that there were superior films made in 2002, but to me there was nothing greater than seeing the lives of Peter Parker, Mary Jane Watson and Norman Osbourn come alive on the big screen. The secret to a great comic book film... stick to the source material, and this loving tribute to the genius of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko did just that.
Let the debates begin..
John Michael Decker AKA Johnny D
It's time again to continue the quant little tradition I started in 1999, by listing my top ten favoriate films which I saw in the year 2002. Keep in mind that A) I didn't see every single film that came out so there are probably several great little movies that I missed totally and B) I am not a professional film critic, these are just my own very biased opinions. Feel free to agree with me or not. And now, without futher ado, here are my top 10 films of 2002 in decending order from 10 to 1.
10) XXX: The best James Bond film in 2002 wasn't a James Bond film at all. With all due respect to DIE ANOTHER DAY (which was a worthy installment in the Bond franchise) XXX was a lot more fun. What the filmmakers did was to take the James Bond formula that has been used for 40 years and amp everything up to the nth degree. Xander Cage is the anarchist super spy for the 21st century.
9) FEMME FATALE: Normally Brian DePalma films aren't my cup of tea, but this one won me over with a plot that was so twisted, so original and so ludicrous that it was fun to just hang on and enjoy the ride. I especially enjoyed the scenery chewing performances of Rebecca Romijn-Stamos as the title bitch and Antonio Banderas as the chump who didn't have a prayer of outwitting her.
8) ROAD TO PERDITION: Tom Hanks is excellent here playing against type as a hit man trying to avenge his family and at the same time save his son from following in his footsteps.
7) HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS: Both darker and more exciting than it's predecessor, director Chris Columbus has done an excellent job of translating J.K. Rowlings magical world to the big screen.
6) THE DANGEROUS LIVES OF ALTER BOYS: A coming of age story with mountain lions, comic book superheroes and Jodie Foster as a one-legged nun. What more could you ask for?
5) FRAILTY: Easily the scariest film of the year. A family is torn apart by religious fanaticism, but the most frightening idea that this film puts forth is the notion that the Christian zealots of the world may be right. Big kudos to first time director Bill Paxton.
4) THE SALTON SEA: How far would a person go to avenge a loved one? And once you've crossed certain lines, can you ever go back? See this film for some compelling answers. Look for stand out performances byVal Kilmer as the morally compromised hero and Vincent D'Onofrio as the no-nosed drug dealer obsessed with the JFK assassination.
3) SIGNS: M Night Shyamalan's latest thriller deals with an ex-priest struggling with his faith and trying to hold his family together during an alian invasion. Keeps you in suspence til the very end.
2) THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS: Just as good as the FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING and perhaps a bit more epic in scale. Peter Jackson continues to do justice to Tolkiens great trilogy.
And my favoriate film of 2002...
1) SPIDER-MAN: Quite simply this is the movie that Ihave been waiting for them to make since I was about nine years old. Sam Raimi should give master classes in how to interpret the comic book art form on the big screen. Other's may argue that there were superior films made in 2002, but to me there was nothing greater than seeing the lives of Peter Parker, Mary Jane Watson and Norman Osbourn come alive on the big screen. The secret to a great comic book film... stick to the source material, and this loving tribute to the genius of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko did just that.
Let the debates begin..
John Michael Decker AKA Johnny D
Sunday, January 09, 2005
John Michael Decker's Top Ten Films of 2003
Greetings all.
So, without further ado, here is my list of the top ten films of 2003 in descending order...
#10) DAREDEVIL: Daredevil has always been my second favorite Marvel Comics character (after Spidey, of course), and so I was very pleased when director Mark Steven Johnson pulled the best elements from the works of Stan Lee and Frank Miller and put together an exciting, character driven, action flick.
#9) SEABISCUIT: The story of three men who are broken, and who are able to come together and heal through their connection to a remarkable horse. Beautifully shot, directed and edited.
#8) BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM: Parminder K. Nagra (as'Jess' Bhamra) and Keira Knightley (as Jules Paxton) are outstanding in this film about two English girls who confound their parents expectations by going against their traditional societal roles and following their dream of playing girls football.
#7) 28 DAYS LATER: By far the scariest, most unpredictable, horror movie of the year. The viewer is left with the question of what is more evil; mindless, flesh eating zombies, or human beings with no laws to hold their base natures in check.
#6) LOST IN TRANSLATION: Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson are wonderful in this film about two lost souls, rattling around a hotel in Tokyo, who make a connection because they both feel so disconnected and alone.
#5) BIG FISH: An amazing film about a son's attempt to understand his father and the power of storytelling. Tim Burton's weird sensibilities work really well in this movie.
#4) HOLES: Two family curses intersect in this incredible movie about fate and loyalty and finding hope and friendship in some very dark places. All this and yellow spotted lizards!
#3) KILL BILL: VOLUME I: Quentin Tarantino's loving homage to the exploitation and chop-suey films of the70s. A ballet of severed limbs and arterial spray.
#2) X2: X-MEN UNITED: A kick-ass, balls to the wall, action flick that surpasses the first X-Men film in every way (and I really liked that movie). AlanCumming is introduced as Nightcrawler (my favoriteX-Man), and Hugh Jackman, once again, rules as Wolverine. The first scene alone is worth the price of admission.
And now for my favorite movie of 2003...
#1) LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING: Peter Jackson has succeded brilliantly in creating one of the most epic trilogies ever put on the big screen. In the third installment, he does an amazing job of juggling multipal characters and story arcs and bringing everything together in a satisfying conclusion. J.R.R. Tolkien has been done proud.
And that is my list for the year. Agree with me. Disagree. Take me to task for my obvious omissions. Let me know what you think. I would love to hear from you.
Until next year...
"And I'd have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
Johnny D.
So, without further ado, here is my list of the top ten films of 2003 in descending order...
#10) DAREDEVIL: Daredevil has always been my second favorite Marvel Comics character (after Spidey, of course), and so I was very pleased when director Mark Steven Johnson pulled the best elements from the works of Stan Lee and Frank Miller and put together an exciting, character driven, action flick.
#9) SEABISCUIT: The story of three men who are broken, and who are able to come together and heal through their connection to a remarkable horse. Beautifully shot, directed and edited.
#8) BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM: Parminder K. Nagra (as'Jess' Bhamra) and Keira Knightley (as Jules Paxton) are outstanding in this film about two English girls who confound their parents expectations by going against their traditional societal roles and following their dream of playing girls football.
#7) 28 DAYS LATER: By far the scariest, most unpredictable, horror movie of the year. The viewer is left with the question of what is more evil; mindless, flesh eating zombies, or human beings with no laws to hold their base natures in check.
#6) LOST IN TRANSLATION: Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson are wonderful in this film about two lost souls, rattling around a hotel in Tokyo, who make a connection because they both feel so disconnected and alone.
#5) BIG FISH: An amazing film about a son's attempt to understand his father and the power of storytelling. Tim Burton's weird sensibilities work really well in this movie.
#4) HOLES: Two family curses intersect in this incredible movie about fate and loyalty and finding hope and friendship in some very dark places. All this and yellow spotted lizards!
#3) KILL BILL: VOLUME I: Quentin Tarantino's loving homage to the exploitation and chop-suey films of the70s. A ballet of severed limbs and arterial spray.
#2) X2: X-MEN UNITED: A kick-ass, balls to the wall, action flick that surpasses the first X-Men film in every way (and I really liked that movie). AlanCumming is introduced as Nightcrawler (my favoriteX-Man), and Hugh Jackman, once again, rules as Wolverine. The first scene alone is worth the price of admission.
And now for my favorite movie of 2003...
#1) LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING: Peter Jackson has succeded brilliantly in creating one of the most epic trilogies ever put on the big screen. In the third installment, he does an amazing job of juggling multipal characters and story arcs and bringing everything together in a satisfying conclusion. J.R.R. Tolkien has been done proud.
And that is my list for the year. Agree with me. Disagree. Take me to task for my obvious omissions. Let me know what you think. I would love to hear from you.
Until next year...
"And I'd have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
Johnny D.
John Michael Decker's Top Ten Films of 2004
Happy New Year, Everybody!
Well, you've been waiting for it all year and now, here it is! My top 10 film list from the last year. Actually, 2004 was a pretty good year for movies. I know this because for every movie that made it to my list there were about two movies that I wanted to put on my list. Movies like; ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND, THE LADY KILLERS, OPEN WATER, GARDEN STATE, THE DREAMERS, FINDING NEVERLAND, TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE, HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN and THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE. All great flicks that I would gladly recommend. Just not good enough to make it to one of my coveted top ten spots (how pompous did that just sound?). Enough blather! Here is my list from 10 to 1:
#10) SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW: An extremely enjoyable little piece of escapist fluff. It managed to be both retro and original all at the same time. A neat trick.
#9) COLLATERAL and SPARTIN (TIE): Try as I might, I just couldn't decide which one of these movies l liked the best. So I declared a tie. Why not? It's my damn list. Both are thinking man's action flicks with complex, multi-dimensional characters exploring moral gray areas.
#8) SHAUN OF THE DEAD: A freaking hysterical send up of the George A. Romero zombie films. The protaganists in this flick are so dim that it talks them half the movie to figure out that England is over run with the flesh eating undead.
#7) FAHRENHEIT 9/11: One of the most important films of the year which, sadly, not enough people paid attention to. Sure this is a Michael Moore propaganda film, but it is filled with many scary truths that a lot of people just didn't want to deal with. I only wish that it had accomplished it's goal, to run George W. Bush out of Washington on a rail!
#6) DAWN OF THE DEAD: This re-make of the George A. Romero classic manages to surpass the original in many ways. Better acting. Better F/X. Scarier zombies. A thrilling action/horror masterpiece.
#5) THE VILLAGE: Many critics savaged M. Night Shyamalan's latest opus, but I loved it. I found the movie engaging, well acted, surprising and timely. An exploration of how a society can control it's people through fear.
#4) THE INCREDIBLES: You just can't go wrong with Pixar. This movie was incredible! Most super-hero films deal with the origin story, but this one was about how super-heroes deal with retirement. Equal parts Fantastic Four and James Bond were lovingly blended together to make this excellent flick.
#3) HELLBOY: The Hellboy comic book (written and drawn by Mike Mignola) contains within it elements of many of the things I love. Old school comic book action, pulp fiction, folk lore, Lovecraftian mythology and big monster fights. But at it's core it is about a really screwed up guy who decided to ignore his destiny and choose his own path. And I didn't think that anyone could gather these disparate elements together and turn them into a decent movie. Until director Guillermo del Toro did just that and surpassed my wildest expectations.
#2) KILL BILL: VOL. 2: Quentin Tarantino manages to surpass the excellent KILL BILL: VOL. 1 by adding some much needed characterization to the second part of his revenge/kung-fu/spaghetti western. David Carradine has never been cooler.
And the number one best film of 2004...
#1) SPIDER-MAN 2: This was a great year for sequels and re-makes to surpass the originals. Sam Raimi hit the ball out of the park with this, perhaps the best comic book film ever. As Peter Parker struggles to balance his responsibilties as Spider-Man with his responsibilties to his personal life, a new super villian enters the scene. Doc Ock, played by the wonderful Alfred Molina, becomes a tragic, multi-layered character. Far more interesting than the two dimensional mad man depicted in the comic book. And the movie ends with a great set up for another sequel.
So there you have it. Feel free to contact me and critique my choices. And this year we can look forward to BATMAN BEGINS, THE FANTASTIC FOUR, KING KONG, SERENITY and the re-make of WAR OF THE WORLDS starring yours truly as fleeing refugee #897.
See you at the movies.
Johnny D.
Well, you've been waiting for it all year and now, here it is! My top 10 film list from the last year. Actually, 2004 was a pretty good year for movies. I know this because for every movie that made it to my list there were about two movies that I wanted to put on my list. Movies like; ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND, THE LADY KILLERS, OPEN WATER, GARDEN STATE, THE DREAMERS, FINDING NEVERLAND, TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE, HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN and THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE. All great flicks that I would gladly recommend. Just not good enough to make it to one of my coveted top ten spots (how pompous did that just sound?). Enough blather! Here is my list from 10 to 1:
#10) SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW: An extremely enjoyable little piece of escapist fluff. It managed to be both retro and original all at the same time. A neat trick.
#9) COLLATERAL and SPARTIN (TIE): Try as I might, I just couldn't decide which one of these movies l liked the best. So I declared a tie. Why not? It's my damn list. Both are thinking man's action flicks with complex, multi-dimensional characters exploring moral gray areas.
#8) SHAUN OF THE DEAD: A freaking hysterical send up of the George A. Romero zombie films. The protaganists in this flick are so dim that it talks them half the movie to figure out that England is over run with the flesh eating undead.
#7) FAHRENHEIT 9/11: One of the most important films of the year which, sadly, not enough people paid attention to. Sure this is a Michael Moore propaganda film, but it is filled with many scary truths that a lot of people just didn't want to deal with. I only wish that it had accomplished it's goal, to run George W. Bush out of Washington on a rail!
#6) DAWN OF THE DEAD: This re-make of the George A. Romero classic manages to surpass the original in many ways. Better acting. Better F/X. Scarier zombies. A thrilling action/horror masterpiece.
#5) THE VILLAGE: Many critics savaged M. Night Shyamalan's latest opus, but I loved it. I found the movie engaging, well acted, surprising and timely. An exploration of how a society can control it's people through fear.
#4) THE INCREDIBLES: You just can't go wrong with Pixar. This movie was incredible! Most super-hero films deal with the origin story, but this one was about how super-heroes deal with retirement. Equal parts Fantastic Four and James Bond were lovingly blended together to make this excellent flick.
#3) HELLBOY: The Hellboy comic book (written and drawn by Mike Mignola) contains within it elements of many of the things I love. Old school comic book action, pulp fiction, folk lore, Lovecraftian mythology and big monster fights. But at it's core it is about a really screwed up guy who decided to ignore his destiny and choose his own path. And I didn't think that anyone could gather these disparate elements together and turn them into a decent movie. Until director Guillermo del Toro did just that and surpassed my wildest expectations.
#2) KILL BILL: VOL. 2: Quentin Tarantino manages to surpass the excellent KILL BILL: VOL. 1 by adding some much needed characterization to the second part of his revenge/kung-fu/spaghetti western. David Carradine has never been cooler.
And the number one best film of 2004...
#1) SPIDER-MAN 2: This was a great year for sequels and re-makes to surpass the originals. Sam Raimi hit the ball out of the park with this, perhaps the best comic book film ever. As Peter Parker struggles to balance his responsibilties as Spider-Man with his responsibilties to his personal life, a new super villian enters the scene. Doc Ock, played by the wonderful Alfred Molina, becomes a tragic, multi-layered character. Far more interesting than the two dimensional mad man depicted in the comic book. And the movie ends with a great set up for another sequel.
So there you have it. Feel free to contact me and critique my choices. And this year we can look forward to BATMAN BEGINS, THE FANTASTIC FOUR, KING KONG, SERENITY and the re-make of WAR OF THE WORLDS starring yours truly as fleeing refugee #897.
See you at the movies.
Johnny D.
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