Well, as of the 19th of April 2005, Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger was elected Pope Benedict XVI. And I must confess, I am a wee bit disappointed. Not just because Benedict XVI is an ultra conservative who will cling to outmoded Catholic dogma, keeping Mother Church in the stone age and alienating the progressive faithful. No, I'm disappointed because I should have been elected pope.
Why not me? I'm a single Catholic man who (a long time ago) once seriously considered becoming a monk as my vocation. And, with all due modesty, I would make a kick ass pope. People who want a progressive pope who will drag the Church (kicking and screaming if necessary) into the 21st century, need look no further than me... John Michael Decker. Yeah, I know that I missed my shot this time around, but if I had been elected pope on April the 19th of this year, here are some of the things I would have done to shake up the church a little.
1) First of all there's the name thing. Pope's always name themselves after patron saints or past popes. Frankly this is played out. I say it's time for some out of the box thinking. I would choose a name that would command respect. Like Pope Kirk Picard I, Pope Batman II or His Holiness Captain Ass-Kicker the First.
2) As the pope I would have access to massive resources, so I would spend them in such a way as to make a powerful statement for all of the faithful and non -believers alike. I would have my people construct a giant citadel on the moon shaped like the pope's big, white hat. That way I could look down on the earth like God above, blessing the good, and targeting the foul with my orbital mind-control lasers.
3) Let's face it, the wafers used in mass to represent the body of Christ taste like cardboard. Shouldn't consuming the flesh of our savior be an enjoyable experience? I say we replace these tasteless discs with pop tarts or ho hos. Now that is some sweet cannibalism. Mmmm...
4) As pope I would dress up the elite Swiss guards as Storm Troopers. Better to look like bad ass Imperial clone warriors than girlie little fancy boys. Now that's an entourage that I can respect. I'm also thinking of making my cardinals dress up like the Super-Friends.
And those are just four of the many ideas that I have if I were elected pope. I have hundreds more. Thousands even. But hey, Benedict XVI is 77 years old. How long can his reign last? I'll get my shot. And then, look out world...
Happy Praying,
Johnny D
Friday, April 29, 2005
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Pringle's Poetry Place
For eleven season's (1994 - 2004) I have worked as an interactive actor at the Sterling Renaissance Festival. While there, I had the opportunity to portray several interesting characters, including a thief, an executioner, a pirate and a mud beggar. By far, my favorite character was Thaddeus Pringle, traveling poet (which I played at the Sterling Ren Fest in 1995, 1996 and 2001).
Thaddeus was conceived to be the anti-Shakespeare. A poet so terrible and deviant that he was destined to be forgotten in the annals of history. I wrote a number of poems which were designed to be both wretched and entertaining at the some time. I would read them with this loud, nasally character voice as if they were the greatest epics ever scribbled on parchment.
For some reason, my poems became incredibility popular on the Ren Fest circuit, and I am always meeting people who want copies of my verse (such as it is). So here now, are a few of the works of Thaddeus Pringle... Enjoy... Let me know if you want more?
Thaddeus was conceived to be the anti-Shakespeare. A poet so terrible and deviant that he was destined to be forgotten in the annals of history. I wrote a number of poems which were designed to be both wretched and entertaining at the some time. I would read them with this loud, nasally character voice as if they were the greatest epics ever scribbled on parchment.
For some reason, my poems became incredibility popular on the Ren Fest circuit, and I am always meeting people who want copies of my verse (such as it is). So here now, are a few of the works of Thaddeus Pringle... Enjoy... Let me know if you want more?
Ode to Blood Seeping into the Battlefield Afore it Coagulates
By Thaddeus "Please God, Not the Face" Pringle
~
Be thou barbarian, assassin, or just plain mean
The battlefield be the place to vent thy spleen
Smite thy foe with a heavy glave
Pull his hair and call him knave
~
Beat thy opponent about the shoulders and neck
Unplug his bowels and commence to wreck
Channel thy rage on the soon to be dead
And buckets of blood will pour out of his head
~
Now tis not my intention to condone violence
But when thy foes are dead thou canst enjoy the silence
I pray this verse fills thee with glee
Now for the love of God just don't hurt me!!!_____________________________________________________
The Frightsome Tale of Lord Entropy & the Anvil
by Thaddeus Pringle: Agent of Chaos!!!
~
Just beyond Valhala; slightly left from Hell
Be the lair of High Lord Entropy; whom thou wouldst to know do well
Chaos be his right fist & Ragnarok his left
He lifts his mightly hammer and brings it down with heft
~
Lord Entropy be a weapons smith; of this there is no doubt
And all who face his deadly tools; can do naught but shout
But one eve as he was labouring in darksome smoke & soot
His anvil slipped it's moorings and landed on his foot
~
Now Entropy is mighty; his tolerance is grand
But now his foot was liquefied; his bones were turned to sand
He swallowed up his courage; he spat his weakness out
He vowed to be quite stoic; Then he let out a shout
~
Mayhaps "shout" be too tame a word to describe this sound
All who heard; their ears did bleed; they tumbled to the ground
When Lord Es throat was raw from that awful din
He looked upon his pulverized foot; he gently scratched his chin
~
He said, "Nothing lasts forever lad-I had a foot its true."
"But now the end of my great leg is naught but sticky groo."
Lord E was espied the next dawn; his foot now an iron mace
And if he does chance to kick thy bum; thou wilt be put in thy place...
________________________________________________________
The Sadsome Tale of Anna & the Cow
by Thaddeus Pringle: Extraordinary Gentleman
by Thaddeus Pringle: Extraordinary Gentleman
~
Anna was a farm girl
Her cheeks were pink and bright
Rebecca was a heifer
And to the world she was a blight
~
Anna wondered to the barn
To milk the cow one dark & stormy day
And there Rebecca attacked
That cow wanted her to pay
~
The hoofs they were a' flying
And the udders swinging around
Anna was completely gored
And she fell right to the ground
~
Rebecca stomped on Anna's spleen
She sprayed milk right in her eye
Anna tried hard to escape
But all she could do was cry
~
All seemed lost on that dark & distant day
Anna was about to die
When a freak lightning bolt struck Rebecca
From a dark and lonely sky
~
That night Anna dined on a black & smoking feast
It was charred beef on a stick from the awful slain beast
But when the wind is blowing and Anna's feeling blue
She can still hear dead Rebecca saying, "Moo Moo Moo!"
_____________________________________________________
Ode To Monkeys
By Thaddeus Pringle: Poet, Scholar, Genius
By Thaddeus Pringle: Poet, Scholar, Genius
~
Monkeys, Monkeys~ Everywhere
Monkeys, Monkeys~ In My Hair
~
Monkeys, Monkeys~ Up a Tree
Monkeys Fill Me With Such Glee
~
Monkeys, Monkeys, Monkeys, Monkeys,
Monkeys, Monkeys, MONKEYS!!!!
~
Oh Lord, How I Love Those Harry, Banana-Eating, Little Bastards!
--------------------------------------------------------
These poems are copyrighted by John Michael Decker (AKA Thaddeus Pringle). Any publication or sale of this work without the authors express written permission is forbidden.
--------------------------------------------------------
=====
"And I'd have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
John Michael Decker
Monday, April 18, 2005
Of Auto Mishaps and Cyborgs...
Hello Everyone,
I just wanted to fill you all in on a little incident that occurred last Sunday the 27th of February. As most of you know I had been hired to work at the Bay Area Ren Fest in Tampa this season. Charles Murray and I arranged to rent a place together in St. Petersburgh for the duration of the show. Unfortunately, the place was not ready and we were not able to move in until today (the 2nd of March). For the first weekend of the Faire, Charles found himself a hotel in Tampa and I arranged to house sit for some friends in Gulfport. My biggest concern, the first weekend of the show was that I had picked up a stupid head cold on the trip to Florida, and I was hoping my voice would last through the first show.
The first day of the Faire passed without incident. The second day of the faire, Tampa was experiencing torrential rains. We arrived at the faire for the morning meeting, and were told in short order that the show was going to be canceled that day. Charles and I decided to make the best of it and get a bite to eat. Perhaps catch a movie. Since both of our cars were filled with our possessions, (remember, we hadn't moved into our main housing yet) we could not drive together and were forced to follow one another through rained soaked Tampa. First I followed Charles to his hotel, where we changed into our street clothes (i.e. out of our geeky rennie clothes). Next Charles followed me (I know Tampa a little better than he does, so it was my job to get him to a place where we could get food and see a movie).
So Charles was following me down Fowler Avenue, a road which runs three lanes east and west. I cannot recall which direction I was going in, but it was whatever direction I needed to be in to make a left turn and cross three lanes of traffic in order to get to the university mall. There was a little section in the middle of the road which I had to pull into in order to make the turn. Another vehicle was parked in the middle section of the road, preparing to make a turn in the opposite direction. I didn't realize it at the time, but this vehicle was creating a dangerous blind spot. I attempted to make my turn across Fowler, when a large, gray, SUV (traveling far too fast for the conditions) came barreling out of the blind spot and t-boned my little Oldsmobile, striking it on the rear passenger side and nearly tearing my car in half. The boom box sitting on my passenger seat flew into my arm, causing a right proximal humerus fracture, minimally displaced (that's doctor talk for a broken wing).
The rest of the day was a chaotic jumble of cops and hospitals and pain medications. My possessions were moved into a friends van, to be delivered to my apartment later this week. I am typing this, one handed, from my cousin Mark DiNovo's house in Largo, FL. Besides the broken arm, I am in good shape and, quite frankly, lucky to be alive. I lost some stuff, but stuff can be replaced. Myself and the other gentleman involved in the accident are still alive and that is what is important here. The doctor's say that I should make a full recovery.
I am a lucky man. I am lucky for Friends like Charles Murray who has stuck by me through this whole ordeal. I'm lucky for all of my Renaissance Festival friends who stopped by the road to make sure that I was alright, and who took care of my possessions for me. I'm lucky for family, like my distant cousin Mark and his wife, Lindy, who have taken me in without question during this difficult first week. I'm lucky that I'm still going to be able to perform at the Ren Fest (as a one armed character). I have no idea what I'm going to be doing with myself after this show, but whatever it is I know I'll be lucky to be doing it.
That's all for now. Recounting this has been exhausting. More later...
Love/Soon/Peace
John
Date: Sun, 3 Apr 2005 16:01:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: John Michael Decker
Subject: Another arm update...To: Everybody
Hey Everybody,
Just wanted to fire out another health update to keep everyone in the know. Last Tuesday I went to see a shoulder specialist in Tampa named Dr. Mark Mighell (pronounced "Mile"), and he recommended that I have surgery immediately. You see, in the car accident that broke my upper humerus, my shoulder was knocked out of whack. I was healing improperly, and if I continued to do so, I would have lost some mobility in my right arm. So on Wednesday (the 30th of March) I went to the University Community Hospital in Tampa for an open reduction and fixation of the right proximal humerus. What this means is that they cracked open my arm, straightened out the shoulder and then bolted it all together with a stainless steel plate and some screws. It was my hope to go into surgery on Wednesday and then work at the Bay Area Ren Fest on Saturday the 2nd of April, but I overestimated my bodies recuperative powers, so I've spent the weekend at my apartment in St. Petersburg reading, watching television and listening to music.
The good news is that the surgery went well and I should eventually gain full mobility in my right arm. Also, as a bonus, I have joined such luminaries as Steve Austin, Darth Vader, Wolverine, Vic Stone, the Terminator, and Deathlok the Demolisher as a man with metal in his body. I am still waiting for my super powers to manifest. Just call me Johnny Cyborg!
Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to print in my life right now. I'll see you when I see you...
Your's in a Fusion of Metal and Flesh,
John Michael Decker (Cyborg Action Figure)
I just wanted to fill you all in on a little incident that occurred last Sunday the 27th of February. As most of you know I had been hired to work at the Bay Area Ren Fest in Tampa this season. Charles Murray and I arranged to rent a place together in St. Petersburgh for the duration of the show. Unfortunately, the place was not ready and we were not able to move in until today (the 2nd of March). For the first weekend of the Faire, Charles found himself a hotel in Tampa and I arranged to house sit for some friends in Gulfport. My biggest concern, the first weekend of the show was that I had picked up a stupid head cold on the trip to Florida, and I was hoping my voice would last through the first show.
The first day of the Faire passed without incident. The second day of the faire, Tampa was experiencing torrential rains. We arrived at the faire for the morning meeting, and were told in short order that the show was going to be canceled that day. Charles and I decided to make the best of it and get a bite to eat. Perhaps catch a movie. Since both of our cars were filled with our possessions, (remember, we hadn't moved into our main housing yet) we could not drive together and were forced to follow one another through rained soaked Tampa. First I followed Charles to his hotel, where we changed into our street clothes (i.e. out of our geeky rennie clothes). Next Charles followed me (I know Tampa a little better than he does, so it was my job to get him to a place where we could get food and see a movie).
So Charles was following me down Fowler Avenue, a road which runs three lanes east and west. I cannot recall which direction I was going in, but it was whatever direction I needed to be in to make a left turn and cross three lanes of traffic in order to get to the university mall. There was a little section in the middle of the road which I had to pull into in order to make the turn. Another vehicle was parked in the middle section of the road, preparing to make a turn in the opposite direction. I didn't realize it at the time, but this vehicle was creating a dangerous blind spot. I attempted to make my turn across Fowler, when a large, gray, SUV (traveling far too fast for the conditions) came barreling out of the blind spot and t-boned my little Oldsmobile, striking it on the rear passenger side and nearly tearing my car in half. The boom box sitting on my passenger seat flew into my arm, causing a right proximal humerus fracture, minimally displaced (that's doctor talk for a broken wing).
The rest of the day was a chaotic jumble of cops and hospitals and pain medications. My possessions were moved into a friends van, to be delivered to my apartment later this week. I am typing this, one handed, from my cousin Mark DiNovo's house in Largo, FL. Besides the broken arm, I am in good shape and, quite frankly, lucky to be alive. I lost some stuff, but stuff can be replaced. Myself and the other gentleman involved in the accident are still alive and that is what is important here. The doctor's say that I should make a full recovery.
I am a lucky man. I am lucky for Friends like Charles Murray who has stuck by me through this whole ordeal. I'm lucky for all of my Renaissance Festival friends who stopped by the road to make sure that I was alright, and who took care of my possessions for me. I'm lucky for family, like my distant cousin Mark and his wife, Lindy, who have taken me in without question during this difficult first week. I'm lucky that I'm still going to be able to perform at the Ren Fest (as a one armed character). I have no idea what I'm going to be doing with myself after this show, but whatever it is I know I'll be lucky to be doing it.
That's all for now. Recounting this has been exhausting. More later...
Love/Soon/Peace
John
Date: Sun, 3 Apr 2005 16:01:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: John Michael Decker
Subject: Another arm update...To: Everybody
Hey Everybody,
Just wanted to fire out another health update to keep everyone in the know. Last Tuesday I went to see a shoulder specialist in Tampa named Dr. Mark Mighell (pronounced "Mile"), and he recommended that I have surgery immediately. You see, in the car accident that broke my upper humerus, my shoulder was knocked out of whack. I was healing improperly, and if I continued to do so, I would have lost some mobility in my right arm. So on Wednesday (the 30th of March) I went to the University Community Hospital in Tampa for an open reduction and fixation of the right proximal humerus. What this means is that they cracked open my arm, straightened out the shoulder and then bolted it all together with a stainless steel plate and some screws. It was my hope to go into surgery on Wednesday and then work at the Bay Area Ren Fest on Saturday the 2nd of April, but I overestimated my bodies recuperative powers, so I've spent the weekend at my apartment in St. Petersburg reading, watching television and listening to music.
The good news is that the surgery went well and I should eventually gain full mobility in my right arm. Also, as a bonus, I have joined such luminaries as Steve Austin, Darth Vader, Wolverine, Vic Stone, the Terminator, and Deathlok the Demolisher as a man with metal in his body. I am still waiting for my super powers to manifest. Just call me Johnny Cyborg!
Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to print in my life right now. I'll see you when I see you...
Your's in a Fusion of Metal and Flesh,
John Michael Decker (Cyborg Action Figure)
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